Callie
by SuzySorrowLess
Summary: Every one has his breaking point, Hotch has the feeling, he reached his. He meets someone, someone who might change everything for the better. But life isn t fair, not at all. A Hotch story. Maybe slightly AU
1. Chapter 1

**Hi, thanks for peeking in. The final impetus for this story has been a TV report that has moved me very much. **

**Two chapters of this story were posted some time ago, I wasn´t satisfied, so I changed a few things and now I´m giving it a new try. Hope you´ll like it.**

**How do you deal with it, knowing that you are going to die? What if You unexpectedly meet the love of Your life ?**

**I've made up my own thoughts.**  
**Reviews are as always highly appreciated, say, what You think. English is not my native language, so excuse me, for killing the grammar, sometimes.**

**DISCLAIMER: As always, I don´t own anyone from Criminal Minds. They will return to their rightful owner, as intact as possible. I do not earn money with this, this story is intended for entertainment.**

**The song Callie sings at the Blue Note is called 'Hurt' by Johnny Cash I also don´t own it, there were only a few lines I borrowed.**

"I'm very sorry, Miss Aimes. But we talked about this possibility."

"I know, Doctor. But to talk about a possibility and then to face a fact, are two different pair of shoes, if you know what I mean." Callie stood up so abruptly, the chair almost fell over.

"Miss Aimes, please. I know...No, I don´t know how hard that is. Maybe we consider a second opinion. I´m sending your CT-scan´s to Dr. Sykes in Chicago. He´s a friend of mine and he is one of the best neurologists and surgeons that I know of." Dr. Malone knew how false that sounded. Kayleigh Aimes was about to die, he knew and she knew, as well. On days like this, he hated his job, Kayleigh was just her mid-thirties and her life was supposed to be happy and full of love and laughter, but it wasn´t.

"How long, Dr. Malone?" Callie's question interrupted his thoughts.

"Twelve months, maybe less."

"Twelve months", Kayleigh repeated tonelessly and tried to keep her composure. Tried to suppress the sobs and the tears that wanted to make their way out of her heart. "Thank you. For everything you've done." Kayleigh squeezed the doctor's hand. "I wish I could do more, Callie. Your prescription is already stored in the pharmacy, I re-new it, any time, when the pain becomes too strong." Kayleigh nodded and left the practice.

**XXX**

five months later ...

_Number 7: singing in a bar_

Callie could also check off this point. However, she found out, being a singer suited her. A different crowd every evening was fun. Kayleigh sang for about one week in this bar. Charlie, the owner of the 'blue note' was impressed by her and she let herself be persuaded to do it more often. It gave her pleasure and she felt still relatively good, the pain has been limited, as if 'Bill', as she had named her unwanted companion, wanted to give her a little breathing space.

Hotch entered the 'blue note' at a quarter after 10 p.m. Today was the second anniversary of Haley's death and the pain didn´t become less, for Hotch. Quite the contrary. He felt lonely and basically lost. Jack was his only fixing point, but today? Hotch wasn´t able to put on his Dad-mask and tell Jack, everything was all right. Because it wasn´t. He didn´t want Jack to see him like this. From the outside view, he did his job completely emotionless and looked nearly ok. Inside, he was broke, kind of. Deserted and sad, so sad. He knew how much the team worried about him, he was really overwhelmed by their care. But there was nothing, that brought back Haley, nothing could ease his pain.

He sat at the bar and stared at his Glenfiddich. One or twice a year he came here. When it got too bad. Was there something good, anyway? They had come from Bangor, Maine earlier. Five little girls were brutally murdered, all of Jack's age. At this moment, it was more than Hotch could stand.

_I hurt myself today, _  
_ to see if I still feel. _  
_ I focus on the pain _  
_The only thing that's real _

Hotch turned towards the stage, her voice went through and through. And she was so right. The pain was the only thing that was reality.

_ What have I become _  
_ my sweetest friend _  
_ Everyone I know _  
_ goes away in the end _

What have I become, Hotch thought. Yeah, what? Haley told me, to show Jack, what love is. And that his father was a different man, back then. But how can I teach him, how to love, when I´m so lost? Hotch was looking for comfort, someone, who was there to hold him, when everything turns black. He emptied the glass in one gulp.

Callie immediately noticed him. The 'blue note' was not crowded, no wonder, it was Tuesday. The week had just begun. He wore a suit that fitted him like a glove, like an armor, Callie thought suddenly. And he made the impression that he´d crack into pieces, if he got rid of this armor. Focus on your lyrics, Kayleigh, she said to herself, that´s why you're here.

_ I wear this crown of thorns _  
_ Upon my liar's chair _  
_ full of broken thoughts _  
_ I cannot repair _

No, you couldn´t fix thoughts, neither feelings nor life. Hotch had ordered Glenfiddich No.3.

Callie finished her last song at midnight , Hotch was still sitting at the bar. Callie waved the bartender to come over.

"How many did he have?" she asked.

"I poured him no. 7, a couple of minutes ago, Callie. But I didn´t get the impression that he was even close to being drunk. By the way, he wants to know, what you prefer?"

"Ginger ale, as usual, Charlie." Callie sat down next to Hotch. "Is it okay if I just take a ginger ale?"

Hotch nodded.

"Maybe you should join me?" Hotch handed her his car keys and looked straight into her eyes.

"Better?"

Callie smiled briefly, "Better. But no solution, I know that, I've already tried. Problems always float up, no matter how deep you have downed them." What are you doing, Callie thought angrily. Picking up a complete stranger in a bar, was not a spot on her bucket list. But there were his eyes, Kayleigh had never seen so much pain and suffering. She was about to die and leave the pain behind, but what about him?

"I'll give you a lift home, okay?"

"I can´t go home," Hotch said quietly.

"You can´t stay as well, Charlie will close the bar in an hour."

"I can sleep in my car," Hotch said in a slightly defiant tone and gave a hint that 7 Glenfiddich _had_ left its mark on him, either.

"You could. But my couch is quite comfortable, I think your car can´t keep up."

Aaron was asleep almost as soon as he sat in the car. Callie had to massage her left hand, it was nearly numb. Her entire left side was tingling, Callie moaned softly, not now, she thought, please not now. It took a while, until she was able to drive off.  
Hotch was cooperative when she woke him. "I'm home," Callie just had to shake him once.

"Haley," he said softly and Callie corrected him gently.

"Kayleigh."

"Kayleigh," Hotch repeated, of course, it was Kayleigh. Haley was gone. Left him. All alone. He stroked her cheek and kissed her very gently.

Why not, she thought. Actually, it didn´t matter at all. One Night, Callie knew, he wouldn´t be rude. He was tender and soft, so she kissed him back. He was not demanding, rather begging for warmth and closeness, perhaps they could take away the pain from each other, only a little bit of this pain. Callie put her arm around his waist as they entered the elevator together. Hotch was leaning at her, a little, it felt so right, not to be alone.

**XXX**

"Hotch is not here yet?" JJ put a cup of hot coffee on Rossi´s table and offered him a muffin.

"Double Choc?" Dave asked, JJ smiled and nodded. Sweet tooth, JJ thought as Dave enjoyed a bite.

"You´re not worried about him? I mean, Hotch looks terrible, lately."

"I know JJ. However, you can´t force him to accept help. Maybe he takes the day off, You and me were supposed to do the same thing. It has been a tough case. We all need some rest."

JJ just groaned.

"Will?"

Rossi asked and JJ rolled her eyes.

"It´s about Will every time, isn´t it?"

"I thought, things were going better now, what´s the matter? Still fighting about nothing?" Dave knew for some time, that there were problems between Will and JJ.

"It's a constant up and down, Dave. Whenever I think everything is in order now, Will gets weird at any little thing going on and the fights start again. It should be easier if there are two of you?"

Dave just smiled," Well, at least you can share a pair of problems that you didn´t have, when you´re single."

JJ giggled," I don´t know, what I would do without your advice, David Rossi. What about Hotch? We call him? "

Morgan peeked in Rossi´s office, "Hotch is not here?" Dave and JJ shook her head at the same time.

"Oh, don´t tell me, it´s a Double Choc Muffin, Dave is eating?" Derek put on his puppy dog eyes, "I had nothing sweet this morning, JJ."

JJ flipped her Tupperware box and conjured another muffin, "I guess, it was nothing sweet to eat, Morgan. Am I right?"

Derek grinned. "I enjoy life and keep my mouth shut, as always."

**XXX**

Hotch woke up because something was not right. The bed, his bed? Was... wasn´t his bed. Hotch blinked and moaned softly. Although the blind was pulled down, it was even bright enough to realize that this wasn´t his bedroom. And the blond curly head was not Jack´s. Slowly, very slowly, he recalled. Kayleigh? Kayleigh from the 'Blue Note'. She took me to her place, because I didn´t want to go home, Hotch thought. He remembered green eyes, that had met his brown ones, passionate kisses and touches. And he remembered how they had made love, like drowning, desperate and seeking oblivion. Also the fact that Callie was crying.

Callie moved a bit, slipped the covers and revealing her back. 'Carpe Diem' was entangled in vertical letters on her back, surrounded by a rose beneath her neck and one over her butt. Hotch stroked over her tattoo, with a small smile, 'Carpe Noctem' would have been more appropriate. Hotch stood up carefully.

"The second door on the right," Callie murmured, "the bathroom, I mean. And there are some fresh towels are on the shelf behind the door."

"Thanks," Hotch muttered back. Apparently it was okay for her, that he was still here. Hotch had no experience in these matters, before Haley, there had been only one other girl and even with her it lasted longer than just one night. This was uncharted territory.

Callie heard the rushing water of the shower and sat up slowly. The headaches were back again, the respite was short, she grabbed her Vicodin in the nightstand drawer. Nearly empty, again. Like I am eating m & m´s, Callie smiled sarcastically. He has not vanished into thin air, leaving like a thief. Callie thought. She remembered clearly, his fingers on her back, following the letters of her tattoo, very gently. Did he smile, while doing that? Callie shook her head, it didn´t matter, whether he smiled or not, they won´t see each other again, anyway. Falling in love with this man would be the stupidest thing ever. I don´t even know his damn name. Kayleigh put some clothes on and quickly gathered his clothes. She laid them neatly on a chair.

Hotch enjoyed the crackle of hot water on his body and the pleasant smell of orange blossoms, filling the room. He had to open a few bottles before he opted for the shower gel with orange blossom scent. Callie´s bathroom was like that _'body shop'_, Jess dragged him in once, to buy a present for someone's birthday. There was only one kind of shower gel in Hotch´s place, he wasn´t keen on experiments. On Callie´s shelf there was a huge number of jars and bottles. Hotch stood before the mirror cabinet now, a shave was indicated, but this had to wait. He ran tentatively over his face, it wasn´t that bad. He went back to the bedroom to get dressed. Hotch could hear Callie potter in the kitchen, and the smell and the bubbling of the coffee. Hotch walked into the kitchen, feeling unsecure.

"Good morning,"

"Hi, I see you have found everything?"

Hotch nodded, "I´m sorry. Did I talk you into something? Something, you didn´t want? I mean, I know that we slept together, but ..."

"You don´t remember exactly how it happened," Callie added and handed him a cup of coffee. "Milk, sugar?" Hotch made use of both. "I guess, you had a pretty bad day. Anyway, you told me, you can´t go home and you wanted to sleep in your car, I offered my couch and you looked at me, like Bambi, so it just happened."

"I looked at you like... Bambi?" Hotch repeated.

"like a wounded deer?" Callie suggested, smiling a bit.

"Wounded deer? I guess, I can live with that," Hotch's mouth twitched slightly. She seemed to be a straightforward woman. "Is there somewhere you have to be? I can give you a lift, your car is still at the bar, I guess."

"That would be very nice. I´m doing a tandem jump in 2 hours time, why don´t you join me?"

"Jump? With a parachute? Why?" Hotch did not quite understand why anyone would voluntarily put his life at risk by jumping out of an airplane.

"Because I feel like doing it. You never do something crazy?" She glanced at the perfect Windsor knot of his tie. "Probably not." Callie answered the question herself. "I need to shower and I have to change my clothes. If it´s ok for you, to wait? I don´t want to stall you, you look like a busy man."

Hotch nodded spontaneously, "I have to call my office, but after that, I can do something crazy, like using up overtime without payment."

Callie had to laugh, "using up overtime is crazy? How long you usually stay in your office? 24/7? Make yourself at home, I'll hurry up. Oh, for the record, I'm Kayleigh 'Callie' Aimes."

"Aaron Hotchner. Hotch, if you like."

Hotch looked around her living room, while Callie was in the bathroom. It was cozy, with a huge, crumpled couch, solid wood furniture and a lot of plants. Watercolor paintings adorned the walls, the signature was K.A. Kayleigh Aimes, so she was an artist. Hotch didn´t understand too much about painting, but she seemed very talented. On a large desk lay a lot of sketches of... rabbits? Ferdinand Rabbit, Hotch suddenly thought. Jack loved these stories. It was about the adventures of a little rabbit, who´s ears were purple-colored. The author´s name was K. Aimes, Hotch had never been interested in what was hiding behind the K.

"You are writing children's books?" he asked, when she came back from the bathroom.

"Author, illustrator, bar singer ... as requested, Hotch. You know about Ferdinand?"

"My boy is crazy about him, he's six."

Kayleigh smiled, "I'm glad, my audience is happy. What's his name?"

"Jack"

Callie went to the shelf next to the desk, picked up a book and suddenly lost grip and dropped it. She cursed quietly. Hotch was faster than her and picked it up. "Thank you," Callie said, rubbing her left hand.

Hotch watched her carefully, looking into her eyes, "Is everything all right? You can´t jump, if you're not fit." Hotch wasn´t sure, was there a change in her eyes? Her pupils seemed pretty small, like she had taken something?

"This isn´t your decision, Hotch. If I want to jump out of a fucking plane, then I'll do it." Callie sounded very harsh. "I can take a taxi to the club. Maybe you'd better go. It was nice tonight. We shouldn´t spoil it, please Aaron."

Hotch nodded, he realized, he had crossed a line. "I didn´t want to offend you, Callie. I´m just concerned about you, that´s all. If you want me to go, I´m gone." Hotch pulled on his jacket. "I thought it was nice too, Callie," he said, while walking out of her door.

Callie wiped the tears away, why had he to be so kind and caring? She began to laugh hysterically. Was it possible, to meet the right person, when you´re facing death?

**XXX**

Hotch decided, to cancel his day off. Jack was at school and there was a lot of paperwork, waiting to be done. His thoughts circled around that woman he met. It was crazy, but somehow he felt responsible for Callie. There was a connection between them, from the start. She had something special, something, that touched him deep inside. Something long forgotten. And something was wrong with her, she tried to hide it and she wasn´t bad in hiding. But he had noticed it last night, by the way she sung. Just as sad and lost as he felt.

Hotch entered the BAU and his office without comment and closed the door.  
"He's in? Didn´t Rossi say, Hotch had sent a text message?" Derek asked.

Reid shrugged his shoulders, "Rossi might have misunderstood something. Hotch doesn´t take a day off, just for fun."

"I´m not talking about 'just for fun', pretty boy. Yesterday it was 2 years, Haley died. He takes the whole thing still very much to the heart. It wasn´t his fault."

"Maybe you should go and tell him." Emily slammed a couple of files on her desk, "I'm sure that will help him." Emily was annoyed. Phrases didn´t help Hotch. He needed a break to sort himself out and find a new beginning. Derek preferred to ignore Emily's outburst. She was right, anyway. The day passed slowly. With a debrief of the last case, Hotch had scheduled spontaneously, because everyone was in the office, instead of being at home. The team wanted to close the files as soon as possible, five dead children left a bitter aftertaste, in everyone.

Callie walked into the bullpen. The agent at the counter had indeed told her exactly where she had to go, but Callie had already forgotten. Like so much, lately. Rossi was the first, to notice the woman with the visitor-ID.

"Can I help you, miss?"

"Yes, I am looking for Aaron Hotchner. The agent at the front desk sent me here."

"Hotch's office is upstairs, but I think he´s here for coffee." Rossi turned towards the kitchenette, "Hotch? You have a visitor."

"Callie," Hotch said in surprise, "I didn´t expect you to come."

"I know. I wanted to apologize, and I brought something for Jack." Kayleigh said, uncertainly. Perhaps it wasn´t such a good idea to come here. Hotch was well aware that he was the attraction of the day. "Let's go in my office. Would you like some coffee?"

Callie shook her head, "I don´t have that much time."

"Callie? What did I miss?" Derek watched, like everyone else, as Hotch disappeared with Callie into his office. "Blonde and petite, just his type. Maybe we worry about nothing?"

"I don´t think so. Hotch wasn´t shaved when he came in and his mood is bad as ever. But that´s none of our business," Reid said firmly and sat down again.

**XXX**

"Sit down, please. How do you know where I work?"

"Well, this isn´t stone age, I googled your name, Mr. FBI. You're a real hero."

"I'm anything but that, Callie." Hotch replied seriously. "We lost five children in Maine."

"That´s why you´ve been at the 'blue note'?" she asked gently.

"No, not the only reason. Sometimes it´s just worse, you know?"

"I do. And I didn´t jump today. I wanted you to know. I overreacted. It was well-meant, and I appreciate that. A lot. I didn´t want to embarrass you, by coming by, your colleagues seem to be quite interested."

"Oh yes, they are." A brief smile flashed across his face.

"Where? Where is she, muffin?" Garcia rushed to Derek's desk, "I just heard, is she pretty? How old is she? How did they meet?"

"A lot of questions, kitten. We have no idea, you'll have to wait like everyone else."

"Don´t look at me like that, Garcia. I don´t know anything." Rossi raised his hands.

**XXX**

"I have to go, Hotch. Surely you have work to do."

"Actually I wanted to take the day off, most of the paperwork is done and filed. I can give you the tour, if you like. Completely without ulterior motives, Callie."

Kayleigh smiled, "You wanna make them curious, I guess,"

"Maybe a little bit," Hotch admitted and spontaneously grabbed her hand. "I would really like to do it, Callie."

"I can´t, Aaron, please. I'm so sorry. And, it's not your fault, I think you're a good man, but this isn´t the right time and this won´t do any good. Not for both of us. I brought something, for Jack," Callie fumbled in her handbag, "a pre-print of part four. It will be published in three months, but I think Jack should be the first one to have it."

Hotch opened the book carefully, "You wrote a personal dedication," he said, surprised.

"Of course, after all it´s a very special gift."

Callie stood up, "I have to go. Sorry, if I.. I´m so sorry, Hotch."

"You didn´t disturb me, Callie. The contrary. And you must not leave head over heels, you are a pleasant companion."

Callie was almost at the door. "Don´t say so, Aaron, I'm not a pleasant companion. For no one." Kayleigh's voice was brittle. "Farewell, Aaron" Before Hotch had the chance to respond to her, she was already through the door and down the stairs.

"Looks as if Hotch put his visitor to flight," Garcia said, as Callie almost rushed down the stairs.

"I think she's crying," Prentiss added and followed Callie spontaneously into the hallway. "He will not appear quicker, you know?"

Kayleigh stood at the elevator and pressed the call button permanently.

"I'm Emily Prentiss. Hotch, I work with him." Em stretched out her hand. "Kayleigh Aimes," Callie replied, shaking the offered.

"Hotch is a bit difficult, sometimes. You should not take it to heart."

Callie wiped a few tears away, "Hotch isn´t difficult, not at all. Excuse me, Miss Prentiss." Callie quickly entered the elevator, which had finally decided to show up.  
"So what?" Garcia asked as Emily returned. "Her name is Kayleigh Aimes and she said, Hotch isn´t difficult."

"Oh, she must sooo like him." Garcia concluded razor-sharp.


	2. No Solace

"Dave, you have a minute?"

"I was expecting you to come, Aaron." Rossi handed him a coffee mug that suspiciously smelled like something else.

"Not for me, I had more than enough of that, yesterday." Hotch refused and sat down on one of Dave's leather chairs. Rossi looked at Hotch expectantly, but it took a while until Hotch said something.

"It doesn´t make any sense. I don´t understand, why she left."

"Callie?"

Hotch nodded. "I wasn´t home, last night. I was at that bar, I felt like...I wasn´t looking for someone. Well, maybe I was, Dave. Jack stayed with Jess, it was way too late to pick him up, anyway. That´s when I met her. She was singing and the way she did it...We talked a little and..."

Hotch paused and Rossi tried to figure out, what Hotch was trying to say. He sounded confused, Rossi knew, how hard it was for Hotch to talk about his feelings. Dave listened carefully.

"And I've never done anything like this, Dave. But there's something between us, it was so obvious, you understand what I´m talking about?"

Dave was surprised. Hotch wasn´t someone that fell for a pretty face, Hotch always looked at the person, and this person, whatever the reason might be, seemed to be something special for Hotch.

"You think, you´re in love with her? Aaron, you're alone, since Haley's death, probably since your divorce, but that´s a wild guess. Men are not made for solitude, Aaron. But having sex with someone, doesn´t mean, you have to love that someone, as well. Especially if she might not feel the same."

"I'm not an idiot, Dave. And I do know the difference between love and sex. We made love tonight, in the true sense of the meaning. I didn´t impose on her, _she_ came by. She even brought something for Jack. She feels exactly the same way. I know." Hotch said, almost inaudible.

Dave sighed, "I didn´t mean to offend you. But I don´t want you to come to a deadlock, because you´re lonely, desperate and sad."

"You have no idea, what´s going on inside of me, Dave." Hotch said stiffly.

"No, maybe not. But did you look into the mirror, lately? You noticed that dark circles under your eyes? They are topping Reid´s. You don´t eat enough and I guess, you don´t sleep either. When was the last time, you laughed about something stupid, Aaron? You´re like an oyster, all closed up. You´re pushing us away, all of us. For how long you didn´t come along with us, when the gang had some fun? This pain will kill you, Aaron. I´m your friend, don´t expect me, to watch your break down, doing nothing. I won´t." Rossi said sharply.

Hotch left Rossi´s office without a single word.

JJ heard the distinct 'Porca Miseria' as she slipped shortly after Hotch into Rossi's office.

"What´s up?" she asked.

"I said a few things right into his face. Maybe I went too far, JJ."

**XXX**

"How are you today, Callie?" Dr. Malone asked. She came to re-new her prescribe for painkillers. Ike Malone had a lot of patients and he generally tried to keep as much distance as possible, but when he met Callie Aimes it became difficult. He liked her. Callie reminded him of his granddaughter, Renée was a very warm and caring person, just like Callie. There was this foundation, Callie started, when she got ill. A foundation for disadvantaged children. Ike did know her for over two years now. At that time, the tumor was treatable, Callie went through hard times, chemo and radiation therapy, and it seemed as if the surgery was a success. Unfortunately, it only seemed this way.

"Aside from the fact that I'm as good as dead? Excellent, Ike."

"And aside from the sarcasm?"

"The paralysis is worse, mainly on the left side. And my memory sometimes is like a big Swiss cheese. Earlier this day, I did not know where my bathroom is. You know how long I have lived in this apartment already? For 12 years! And I didn´t know, where this damn bathroom is." Kayleigh stifled a sob.

Ike Malone swallowed. Callie was always very calm when she came here, but now she looked extremely vulnerable and confused.

"Is there anything else bothering you?"

"I've met someone, Ike. I feel attracted to him. He's also chipped in some way. Not like me, but not less injured, Ike. And I ... I, God, Ike. I accepted to die, and now ... " Callie wept uncontrollably. Malone patted her back, helplessly. He preferred 12 hours time in the operating room, than trying to comfort someone for whom there was no solace at all.

**XXX**

"Daddy, I missed you sooo!" Jack wrapped his arms around his father's neck and hugged him furious.

"I missed you too, buddy," Hotch said and replied the hug just as fiercely. His son deserved a father who loved him from the heart, and stayed with him, whenever it was possible.

"I've got something for you, Jack. But you have to watch out very well and you can´t take it to school, okay?"

Callie didn´t say so, but Hotch knew, usually pre-prints were under lock and key until the day of release. Jack nodded enthusiastically, he was good in keeping things to himself. Just like his father.

Jess smiled, she always liked watching Jack and Hotch together. Jess knew how hard it was for Hotch at the moment and she gave him great credits, for never showing Jack that his father hardly coped with himself.

"Tell me, Daddy, what is it?" Jack jumped around his father.

"Slowly, Jack, do you remember how you asked me when you finally learn what happened to Ferdinand?"

"Ye-hes, and you said that we have to wait sooo looong." Jack showed a distance with his hands. Hotch had to smile when he saw the impatience of his boy. He pulled the book out of his briefcase.

"Kayleigh, the woman who wrote the book, gave it to me and she has also written something in it, for you, Jack."

Jack opened his eyes wide, "You met Ferdinand's Mum? And she did that only for me?" Jack looked fascinated on the usually blank first page.

"_F-or li-ttle Jack_. That's me, Daddy! But that's handwriting that is difficult," Jack looked pleadingly at Hotch and Hotch continued to read.

"_who is as lovable as his Dad_."

Callie had also drawn a little purple-eared rabbit and a larger one in brown, which, if you looked very closely, had a similarity with Hotch.

Jack insisted, of course, to read a few pages with his Dad before going to bed and after that, a very happy, little boy fell asleep.

"You're still here, Jess?"

Jess smiled, "First, I would like to watch you eat the vegetable casserole, I have just taken out of the Microwave and secondly, I would like to know how come you know Kayleigh Aimes."

"It's a long story, Jess."

She handed Hotch cutlery and poured him a glass of water.

"I have got time, Aaron. No one is waiting for me, yet."

"I can never make it up to you, what you're doing for Jack and me, Jess." Hotch said, feeling guilty again.

"No, but you don´t have to. Haley asked me to look after you and Jack, in case, anything happens."

Hotch looked at Jess in surprise.

"You never told me that. When did she ask you?"

"After the Reaper attacked you and Haley and Jack had to go into protective custody. It was two years ago, Aaron. I´ve been at the cemetery with Jack. He was trying not to cry, because his Dad doesn´t cry."

Jess put her hand on Hotch's, "somehow you have to try to deal with it, Aaron. Jack, he is a smart kid, he knows you´re missing Haley, as we all do. And he knows, you´re telling him a lie, when you pretend everything is going to be okay."

Jess blinked away a few tears. "Now, tell me about the writer."

Jess changed the topic. Hotch put his half-eaten plate away and got a slightly reproachful look from Jess. She jerked the plate in front of him again.

"Eat up."

"I thought, you wanted to know about Callie?"

"I know you´re multi-tasking, you can talk and eat, so?"

Jess put her head slightly askew and Hotch sighed. "I'm not getting out of this, right? I met Callie last night at the 'blue note', I sometimes go there, when things get too rough. She was singing."

"Singing?"

Hotch nodded, "She likes to do crazy things, sometimes. We, I mean, her and me. .." Aaron paused.

"You had sex?"

Jess nearly jumped in surprise, that was '_crazy_'.

"I know, Jess. I´m not that type of guy. But Callie is something special, it wasn´t just an unimportant fuck, not for both of us."

"Okay," Jess said slowly, "so you´ll see her again?"

"I would love to, Jess. But Callie is in some kind of trouble, she doesn´t want me to get involved, I guess. She literally fled. And I will not oppress her, Jess. Damn it. Rossi said, I´m running into something, because I´m lonely and sad. I´m not that sentimental, am I?"

Jess looked at Hotch thoughtfully. "Oh, Aaron. I know how much you have loved Haley. But she's not here anymore and as mundane as it sounds, life goes on. You have the right to grab a bit of luck, Aaron. Listen to me. You are not to blame for her death, George Foyet killed her and he was a sick, dirty pig. He got what he deserved."

Jess hugged Hotch lovingly. "I love you, Aaron. And I only want the best for you and Jack. If you truly believe, Callie is worth the trouble, then talk to her again."

**XXX**

Jess wanted to go home, after she said goodbye to Hotch, but changed her mind. She knew the 'blue note'. Jess had been there, with Rossi a few times after Haley's death. When she felt the same need for closeness, as Hotch. Jess and Rossi had remained friends after their brief affair. Dave, Jess thought. It wasn´t an affair at all. They were in love, seriously. Dave proposed, but Jess didn´t accept. She promised Haley to take care of Hotch and Jack. She wasn´t able to live a happy life with Dave, when Hotch and Jack needed her so desperately. The detour to the bar was not very long, 20 minutes later, Jess stepped out of her car.

**A/N Thanks for reviewing, guys. Guest asked, if there will be a happy ending at least. Kind of, I guess. Definitely not the usual one.**


	3. Bad dreams

The 'blue note' was pretty well filled mid-weeks. Hump-day was always worth a celebration.  
"Hi, what can I get you?" asked the bartender.  
"A small white wine, thank you. Can you tell me, if Callie is here today?"  
The bartender nodded, "she ended the show earlier today. I think she's doing not so well. Maybe you can still catch her. Through the hallway, the first door on the right."  
Jess paid for her wine and took a sip. Then she took a deep breath and went to the door, the bartender had told her. She was very worried about her brother-in law, Jack had already lost his mother, he could not even lose his father, too. If that meant she had to play Cupid, then she´d do that. She knocked.  
"Yes please!"  
Jess opened the door.

"Can I help you?" she was approached by a petite young woman with short, blonde curls. Jess immediately noticed what Hotch attracted to her, she looked just as lost and desperate as Hotch himself. Like misery wanted company. This is not good, Jess thought, not at all.  
"Are you looking for someone?" Callie asked.  
Jess nodded, "You're Callie?"  
"Yes, I am. Why don´t you come in?"  
"Um...I..I do not know if that's such a good idea," Jess said. "I am here because of Aaron."  
"Because of Aaron?" Callie repeated, "he sent you? I cannot see him again, I clearly told him. "  
"He doesn´t know I'm here. I'm Jess, Hotch is my brother-in-law. " Jess had noticed Callie said _I cannot_ , that indicated she´d like to. Otherwise she´d say _I don´t want to_, maybe not everything was lost.

Callie offered Jess a chair. "I won´t take Hotch from your sister, Jess. I´m sorry, it wasn´t my intention to make a mess. It was only one night, we will not see each other again," Callie said sadly.  
Jess shook her head. "It's not like that, Callie. My sister died two years ago. Hotch just cannot get over it. And you know, what he does for a living? It eats him up alive, Callie. He needs someone. Someone who loves him and cares for him and Jack. I´m only his sister-in-law, I can´t give him this kind of comfort." Jess said urgently.

"You´re talking about me? I can´t help him," Callie said, horrified, "I´d only make things worse."  
Jess was determined, not to let Callie off the hook. "Hotch has already indicated that you might have some problems, but they can be solved, right? I've seen the dedication and the drawing in the book, Callie. You´ve even been at Quantico and brought Hotch the book for Jack. So don´t tell me, Hotch doesn´t mean anything to you. I know he does."

"Even if you´re right," Callie suddenly started to cry, "what do you expect from me? I'm dying, Jess. Actually, I 'm as good as dead. What do you want me to tell him? Shall I tell Hotch ' nice we have each other, but in six months everything will be over?' Do you think that will actually help him? Maybe it pushes him over the edge, finally? Would you like that to happen, Jess?"  
Jess wasn´t able to say anything, that couldn´t be possible? But she was sure, Callie was telling the truth, her despair was too obvious.  
"You should go, Jess. Hotch will find someone else, I´m sure. He´s such a good man. "  
"Maybe he doesn´t want to, Callie. You didn´t hear, how he talks about you."  
"Listen to me! Go away, Jess! For Heaven's sake, do it now!" Callie screamed in sheer desperation, this was more than she could bear. Her heart cracked into small pieces.

**XXX**

"Daddy! Daddy! Please, wake up! "  
Jack was constantly shaking his father. He woke up, because he heard his father scream and Jack got scared. Pretty scared. His daddy never cried in his sleep and he didn´t scream, either. Jack sobbed aloud, why wasn´t Mommy around no more? She´d know, what to do.

"Jack, Jack it's all right." Hotch finally woke up and took Jack into his bed. "Don´t cry, Jack. It's all right, It was just a bad dream."  
"I was afraid, Daddy." Jack clung very closely to his father.  
"I know, Jack. And I´m sorry. I didn´t wanna scare you, buddy."

"Were you afraid, too?" Jack wanted to know.

"Yes, I've also been afraid, Jack," Hotch said softly, stroking his son 's hair. He had to think of Callie, how calm he had slept next to her and how good it felt. And how reassuring it was, not to be alone. No nightmares, no hurt...just peace and comfort and...love.  
"Daddy? We can visit Ferdinand 's Mum? I think she 's nice."  
" I don´t know, Jack. "  
"Can you ask her? Oh please Daddy, reading about Ferdinand always makes me happy. Maybe she can write a story for us, so we no longer need to be afraid? "  
Hotch nearly was bursting into tears, because of Jack´s conclusion.

"I 'll ask her, Jack. Promise. But you´ll have to sleep now, there will be school tomorrow. "  
"Pfff ," Jack said and fell asleep instantly.

Dave is right, Hotch thought. The hurt would kill him if he did nothing. Hotch was aware that he just admitted to Jack that he was afraid. He decided to talk to Callie again, no matter what problems she might have, nothing could be that bad. There was a solution for everything, right?

Jess didn´t get any sleep this night. She just didn´t understand the meaning. How could Hotch and Callie find each other, to lose each other again? Jess knew Hotch very well, she knew he wouldn´t accept a _'No'_ from Callie, not until he knew the truth. A truth that would hurt him again. She couldn´t get Callie out of her head, her despair, that was almost palpable. Jess cried. For Hotch and Callie, for Jack and Haley and also a little bit for herself.

**XXX**

Rossi expected Hotch the next morning with a slightly queasy feeling, Hotch had not even said goodbye last night, apparently he was pissed from what he had thrown into his face. But Rossi was sure, someone had to say it, Hotch wasn´t able to go on like this. Under no circumstances. To Rossi´s surprise Hotch came into his office with a cardboard cup from Starbuck´s.

"Double vanilla latte", he placed it on Dave's desk. "I have to apologize, Dave." Hotch sat down. "I'm aware, you worry about me. All of you. And I notice that you´re trying to help me. You don´t mean to harm me. I´m taking not enough care of myself, you 're absolutely right. But look, you can´t interfere into my life, Dave, you just can´t. I must find my own way, for Jack and for me."  
Rossi nodded, Hotch sounded determined. Dave began to hope, Callie was having a healing effect on Hotch.

"Just promise that you´ll take care about yourself a little more. Take a few days off, use up your overtime and sleep properly. We´ll get along without you." Rossi grinned, "You're not as irreplaceable as you think. " Rossi hugged his friend, "and give Callie my regards, let her take good care of you. Now scram , I`ll handle Strauss."

**XXX**

Two hours later, Hotch arrived at Callie's apartment, a large bag with breakfast in his hands and rang her doorbell. It took a while, until Callie opened.  
" I hope you´re not throwing an injunction suit at me, Callie. One word from you and I 'm gone. Callie?" Hotch noticed her swollen eyes and how tired and exhausted she looked.  
"You don´t know, what you're getting, Aaron. I'll only hurt you."  
"Will you let me decide, what is hurting me? " Hotch asked quietly.

Callie just had to look at him to know that she had lost another battle, the battle for her heart. Callie stepped aside and let Hotch in.  
"Did..." Callie had to think about the name, "Jack enjoy his present?" she asked, filling the coffee maker. Hotch put his bags on the kitchen counter.  
" Jack was thrilled and, of course, we had to read a few pages, immediately. You've made such an effort for my little boy, Callie. Why don´t you tell me, what´s going on?" Hotch put his arms around her and very gently, he pulled her close.  
Callie´s green eyes were filled with tears, when she looked at Hotch. "Make love to me, Aaron. Please. Right now, that´s all I want from you. I´ll tell you, what´s up, afterwards. You think, you could do that for me?"

Hotch caressed Callie's cheek and leaned down to her, she wasn´t tall, her head was leaning on the middle of his chest. "Anything you want, Callie ," Hotch whispered and kissed her tenderly. He followed her into the bedroom.  
There was nothing violent or ardent in the way they loved each other, but rather a loving, affectionate sinking into each other, Callie forgot for a while that there would soon be no tomorrow and Hotch felt brave enough again, to love someone.


	4. Why?

Quite a while later Hotch and Callie were tangled up in her bed together. Hotch was stroking her hair and repeatedly caressing her back, as if he was trying make himself aware that she was really with him. And Callie just clung to Hotch.

" I didn´t imagine, this could be possible," Hotch said softly.  
"What do you mean? "  
"Falling in love with someone, you don´t know, or barely know. The first time I heard you in this bar, it was like you sung just for me. Right into my heart. You expressed exactly what I felt at that moment." Hotch kissed her gently.

"Callie? Oh, no. Don´t you cry. Did I say something wrong? I'm not very skilled in these things, I'm afraid. "  
"It's not your fault , Aaron. You've done everything right." Callie sat up.  
She touched his chest, "who did that to you, Aaron?"  
Hotch took a deep breath. "His name was George Foyet. It would take too long to tell you all the details, Callie. He attacked me in my apartment and injured me. He could easily have killed me, but he wanted to see me suffer, Cal. A few months later he killed my wife and also almost my son. This was two years ago and... I...I actually died with her. Deep inside. I don´t know how to live anymore, Callie," Hotch almost whispered, realizing that he had spoken this words for the first time. And he also realized, the inner scars weighed much heavier than the outer ones. He stood up abruptly and went into the bathroom.

**oOo**

"Can I come in? " Callie asked a few minutes later and knocked at the door. Hotch didn´t say anything and she didn´t press him. How am I supposed to tell him, I´m dying, Callie thought. Aaron was so desperate. His sister-in-law had been right, Aaron was tired and burned out to the bottom of his soul. He longed for love and warmth, and he was hoping to find this in her. Callie stifled a sob. She went to the kitchen and turned on the coffee maker. The breakfast, Hotch did bring, had become cold. Callie wondered if the Microwave was able to save scrambled eggs and pancakes.

Hotch leaned with his back against the bathtub, lost in his own thoughts when he heard a sudden rumble.  
"Callie?" Hotch stood up and opened the door. "Callie, everything ok with you?" Hotch was restless, there was no answer. He heard the bubbling of the coffee and glanced into the kitchen.  
"Callie?! Oh good Lord!"

Callie lay on the kitchen floor, unconsciously and she was breathing shallowly. "Callie! Wake up. Wake up, sweetheart. Please." Hotch patted her cheek and she moaned almost inaudibly. "That's it, Callie. Wake up, come on. Callie, I'll call an ambulance, just stay calm. They will be here in a few minutes, all right?" He pressed a towel on the back of her head, Callie was bleeding, there was also blood on the stool.

**oOo**

"Aaron? " she whispered, blinking cautiously, the light was hurting her.  
"Thank God. Can you stand up? No, wait." Hotch picked her up and laid her on the couch. "I´ll call an ambulance now, Callie. Do you understand what I´m saying?"

Callie grabbed his arm, "no hospital, ...ron. Dr. Malone. Please." Callie tried to concentrate, "...mber in the phone, cell...no...no hos..."  
"No hospital, I already understood, love." Aaron grabbed her cell phone on the desk and searched through her contacts. Malone, Ike. Hotch pressed the button.  
"Dr. Malone? Aaron Hotchner. No. We don´t know each other, it's about Callie Aimes, she just collapsed in the kitchen. We need help, Dr. Malone, Callie doesn´t want me to call an ambulance. Thank you, see you. He is on his way, Callie. Do you hear me?"

Hotch sat down to her and took her hand. "You need something? Can I get you anything? Callie, please talk to me." For Hotch it was obvious, Callie was groaning, she must feel pain. "I 'll be right back , okay?"

Callie groaned again, her head hurt so much. Hotch rushed into the bathroom and opened her mirror cabinet. There had to be something. Aaron found the Vicodin very quickly. It was prescribed by Dr. Malone. Hotch refused to think about what that meant. He grabbed the pills and poured Callie a glass of water.  
"I'm so sorry," she whispered.

Aaron shook his head, "it´s all right, love. You don´t have to be. Here, I guess, that might help a bit."

Callie took two pills and drank some water. A few minutes later, the doorbell was ringing.

Dr. Malone was a nice, elderly gentleman in his late sixties, with snow-white, messy hair, he gave Hotch an attentive look. That had to be the man, Callie talked about. The affection had to be based on reciprocity, he looked very concerned.  
"Where is she?" Malone asked.  
"Callie is on the couch, Doctor. She's not good."

Malone nodded.  
"Callie, it´s me, Ike. What are you doing, merely?" Malone checked her eyes with a little lamp. Callie turned her head away. "Light hurts, Ike."  
"I know. You´ll will feel better in a couple of minutes, I promise." Malone filled a syringe.  
"My leg, Ike. Didn´t feel it no more, I just fell down. I 'm so scared. " Callie started to cry.  
"You don´t have to be afraid, Callie, I'm here." Hotch whispered from the background, with more confidence than he possessed. He could hardly breathe, fear was crawling it´s way into his heart. He watched Malone, checking some of Callie´s reflexes and finally, clutching the wound at the back of her head. Callie was almost asleep.

**oOo**

"You should get a little rest, too Mr. Hotchner. You look like hell, sorry to be so blunt."  
He went into the kitchen and poured Hotch and himself a coffee.

"I'm glad, Miss Aimes has found someone. Callie is such a lovely person. I wish I could do something for her." He squeezed the mug into Aaron 's hand.

"How...How serious is this, Dr. Malone. What is Callie suffering from? Please?" Hotch asked, worried.

Malone was struggling with himself. There was the medical confidentiality, on the other hand, Aaron Hotchner clearly cared for her. A lot. Malone noticed, Hotchner was making up his own mind about her condition. He was doing the math, Ike was sure about that.

He sighed, "Callie is suffering from a brain tumor, Mr. Hotchner. She's been in treatment over two years now. The first time we were able to remove the cancer surgically. Apparently, not completely. Actually, all I can do, is take away the pain, Mr. Hotchner. I'm very sorry, I like Callie a lot, she is such a brave girl and she reminds me of my granddaughter Renée. She´s in Germany right now, Berlin Charité. But this is rather unimportant, actually. "  
He glanced at Aaron, who just sat there, clutching his mug so hard, it broke in his hand. Hotch did not even notice that.

"Dear Lord, Mr. Hotchner," Malone said, frightened. He had to provide first aid for the second time. "I'm really very sorry, Mr. Hotchner," Malone said, after patching Hotch´s hand up.

"I don´t understand. There isn´t any treatment? Nothing you can do, Doctor, nothing _anyone_ can do?" Hotch asked flatly.

Ike shook his head.  
"Why?" Hotch wanted to know. He had to think of the last case, Lucy. One of the girls, they lost in Maine. Her parents asked him the same question. Why? Hotch had no answer for them, just like Ike now. Why? The word was hammering in his head.

"Can you stay with Callie? I need some time to..., I mean , I need some time to understand... this."

"Go, son. There is only the golf course waiting for me, and I guess, he´ll still be there tomorrow. Take your time, I´ll take good care of her." Malone patted Hotch´s shoulder, there wasn´t much more, to comfort him, anyway.

**oOo**

Jess was not sure why she really wanted to visit the cemetery once again. Somehow she had the feeling of being needed there. She saw him from afar, already. Hotch was sitting on the bench across from Haley's grave. It took Jess one look to know, that he knew. Callie had told him the truth. Oh Aaron, Jess thought. You of all people, you deserve happiness so much. And once again, he was about to lose everything. She sat down beside him and took his hand.

"Callie is going to die, Jess," he simply said. Hotch didn´t make any effort, to wipe his tears away, it would have made no sense, anyway. Now that he once started, he couldn´t stop crying.

**A/N Thank you so much for reviewing, guys. I appreciate it a lot.**


	5. Sabbatical leave

**A/N This chapter Aaron is going to make a decision**

"I thought you wanted to take a few days off, Agent Hotchner? At least Agent Rossi told me so." Strauss pointed to the chair in front of her desk. "You look awful, if I may say so, Aaron. And, what happened to your hand?"  
"Just...It´s nothing, Erin. It´s not important. I need some time off. There are things, I need to fix. Private things. Derek Morgan can lead the team as long as I 'm not there, he has done this already, very successfully."  
"How much time are we talking about, Aaron? There is no problem for you to stay at home for a couple of weeks. Your overtime is exceeding every normal level and you didn't leave for vacation since...well. Since Haley´s death. Shall we say six weeks?" Strauss suggested.  
"I rather thought about six months, Erin. Maybe more."  
Strauss stared at Hotch. Who are you and what have you done to Agent Hotchner?, crossed her mind. This was...strange.  
"Six months? I don´t want to be indiscreet, but...you and Jack, are you all right?"  
"I've thought about it. Very seriously. It´s about something I promised to my wife, that´s all I want to say. "

Surprisingly, Strauss accepted Hotch 's answer, even it was no answer at all. "So well. Your exemption is effective immediately, I will handle this with the personnel office. I hope you´ll find what you are looking for, Agent Hotchner. I told you before, if there is anything I can do, you just have to ask."

Hotch nodded. "I know, Erin. Thank you."

Strauss watched Hotch, as he left the office. Still in shock. Normally, she would have been glad, not to see Hotchner for a while. She always had the feeling of being inferior, for any reason whatsoever. However, it was obvious, Hotchner was struck. Although there was no reason to put his work into doubt, he was still one of the best, if not _the_ best agent she had. But still, a break was more than overdue. Strauss picked up the phone.

**oOo**

"Any ideas, what´s on Strauss mind?" JJ asked in the small meeting room. Strauss call caught them right in the middle of leaving. Unanimous head-shaking was the answer. Dave, however, made up his own thoughts, he was sure it was about Hotch.  
Strauss entered the conference room. "Thank you for staying. I know you were already on your way home. An hour ago, I talked to Agent Hotchner."

Strauss took a break, to get all the attention. But by mentioning Aaron´s name, everyone was looking at her. JJ threw Rossi a questioning look, he shrugged his shoulders.

"Agent Hotchner asked me for a sabbatical leave and I have complied with this request. Agent Morgan, for the next six months, the team belongs to you. Thank you, that´s it. "

"Oh, right. That was so so damn clear," Derek snapped.  
"Agent Morgan? Any comments from you?"  
"I said, it was clear to me that you have complied with Agent Hotchner 's request, Chief Strauss." Derek caustically repeated. Emily put her hand on his arm.  
"No, Derek. Don´t." she said softly. Em knew, Derek wasn´t really mad at Strauss, he was mad at Hotch, who made a decision without involving them. But Emily knew that Hotch had to have serious reasons when he acted so radically. And she knew, Hotch was going to explain everything, when he felt ready for it.

Strauss stood in front of Derek and gave him an angry look. "I know, what you believe, all of you. That I 'm just waiting for an opportunity get rid of Agent Hotchner. We're no friends, that's right, but to kick a man, when he´s already down, isn´t my style. You know much better than me, in what condition Agent Hotchner is at the moment. My opinion? He did the right thing, he pulled the emergency brake, Agent Morgan. I will not condemn him for that. Anything else, you have to say? No? Then goodbye for now." Strauss left without another word.

"Did you know that?" Derek asked, looking reproachfully at Rossi. Someone had to answer to him, if not Strauss, then Rossi.

"Did I know it? No, Derek. Did I suspected it? Yeah, honestly I did. And if _you're_ honest, Derek, you know, he needs a break. He is about to crash and burn. He is my friend and he has not to justify what he does. He asked me, not interfere into his life and I respect that, and you should do that too." Rossi left and slammed the door.

"I think Rossi is right," Reid said. He remembered Elle and Gideon. And he asked himself, what might bring _him_ to this point of no return.

Garcia agreed, too. "Hotch knows, we are here for him and we´ll check up on him. Everyday."  
" So you simply want to accept that?" Derek asked frustrated.  
"We don´t want to, but we will," JJ said with determination and Emily nodded. "What about some Chinese food? Reid, there is this new one in Georgetown, you´ve already been there?"  
"Small and very cozy, the food is excellent, Emily. " Reid said. It was a good idea to spend some time together, no one wanted to be alone now, Hotch 's lonely decision was a shock to everyone.

**oOo**

Callie was still half asleep, but felt Hotch´s arms gently wrapped around her and his warm, regular breathing on her neck.  
"So you came back, Aaron."  
"Sure. I had to sort out a couple of things. I won´t leave, I love you, Callie."

Hotch saw no sense in not saying those three words. They expressed what he felt and he didn´t wanna waste a second. Earlier, he was talking to Ike Malone again. He was smiling at him, when he opened the door. Saying, he knew, he was coming back. Malone had told him again, how limited their time would be. And he also told him, what he had to expect. And he offered him, to talk. Whenever Hotch needed to. Malone left, calling Hotch _son_, again. Aaron remembered his father, calling him son. It always sounded like a curse to him. Ike´s way of calling him _son_ sounded more like a warm and gentle blessing to Hotch. And it somehow reassured him, reassured him, his decision was right. He needed Callie, just as much as she needed him. And it would be an example for Jack, for unconditional love.

Callie turned to Hotch, "I love you too, Aaron. But you have to be sure, you know? You´re so lost, love. And I don´t want to hurt you, but I know I will. And what about Jack? He is still so small, he will not understand, Aaron. Yet, I don´t understand it myself," Callie clung to Hotch.  
"Jack is very mature for his age, Callie. He will understand, maybe not everything, but I´ll be as careful as possible." Hotch held Callie held as tightly as he could, like he was able to exclude evil and keep it out.  
"You have to promise me something, Aaron. Please."  
"Anything you want, love."  
Callie caressed his cheek and kissed him tenderly.  
"Don´t ask me, how I feel. When I feel bad, then I'm gonna tell you. And I want you, not to treat me like I´m dying. Let's just live, Aaron, please. As long as it´s possible. "  
"As long as it´s possible," Aaron replied. "I promise."

**oOo**

"David," Jess said in surprise and welcomed the unexpected visitor inside.  
" Hotch isn´t here, is he?" He hugged Jess and kissed her cheek.  
"No, he's with Callie. "  
"Uncle Dave!" Jack heard who just arrived and jumped into Dave 's arms.  
"Hello buddy! Is everything all right?"  
Jack nodded vigorously, "Uncle Dave, Daddy said maybe we visit Ferdinand 's Mom, isn´t it great? "  
"Ferdinand 's Mom?" Rossi repeated.  
"Ye-hes. Daddy said, she´s nice. And she painted something for me, Uncle Dave. Let me show you." Jack dragged his beloved uncle into his room. "This is Ferdinand. He´s a rabbit and he is special Uncle Dave, because he has purple-colored ears." Jack squeezed Callie´s book in Rossi 's hand.  
"_For little Jack, who is as lovable as his Dad_." Dave read out aloud.  
"Callie has also painted Ferdinand and his Dad for me," Jack was beaming all over.  
Rossi ruffled Jack's hair, "which is really great, Jack. But I have to talk to your Aunty Jess, you think, you can play by yourself a little? "  
Jack wrinkled his nose , "but only very briefly," he said firmly.  
"I`ll be right back, Jack. "

**oOo**

"Aaron took a sabbatical leave for six months, you know that?"  
"Yes, I know David. We talked about it."

Jess handed Rossi a glass of red wine and sat down beside him on the couch. Suddenly Jess started to cry.  
"It's so horrible, Dave " Jess sobbed and Rossi put his arm around her.  
"Callie is horrible? " Rossi asked, confused. To him, she had made a very nice impression.  
"Callie is great, Dave. She is such a lovely person and Aaron, he...," Jess sniffled and grabbed a tissue. "Callie will die, Dave. Very soon. Aaron wants to stay with her until ... Oh Dave, I don´t know, how he wants to get through all of this. He isn´t over Haley yet. I 'm so scared, Dave. What if...he is already broken and hurt and...the way he talks about her, she has his heart, I know. And I don´t have the heart, to talk him out of it. I don´t know, how this is supposed to work. What about Jack? He needs his Dad so much, Aaron is his hero, he can´t lose him, he just can´t. I support him, in every possible way, but this is beyond my power."  
Rossi pulled Jess close. "You are one of the most selfless people I know, Jess. I love you and there is nothing, I wouldn´t do for you. You´re not alone, Jess. I was so mistaken, by letting you go."  
"You know why I had to, David."  
" Yes, I know Jessy. " Rossi put his arms around the woman he loved. Callie was about to die? Oh, Aaron. What the hell are you doing, Rossi thought. Aaron was his closest friend and Dave was deeply concerned. And he was angry. Life was a bitch. Destiny was hunting Hotch down and there was nothing, anyone could do.

**oOo**

Hotch woke up, because he missed Callie. He found it funny how quickly he had become accustomed to Callie's closeness and how much it irritated him, when she wasn´t around. He stood up, looking for her and noticed a candle was burning on the roof terrace.  
"I woke up and you were not there, Callie. Why you´re sitting outside, don´t you feel cold?" Hotch sat down beside her on the roof terrace and put a blanket around Callie and himself.  
"I look at the stars, Aaron. I always liked, watching them. Soon it will be time for the Perseids, you know?"  
" Shooting stars? I never paid attention to them, guess I...don´t believe in wishes coming true."  
"Oh no, Aaron. Don´t say so. Some do come true. We´ll watch them together. There are still a few things, I really want to do. Maybe with you, if you dare, to jump out of an airplane with me?" Callie smiled a bit. "Do you think your colleagues may get along without you, from time to time?"  
Hotch kissed her, "they will have to. I´m on Sabbatical leave for the next couple of months. There will be only you and me and Jack. I don´t wanna miss a second, Callie. But I owe them an explanation, I´ll be in the office tomorrow morning, I caught them flat-footed, that wasn´t right. They´re more than colleagues, they´re friends. And I have to talk to Jack. Very carefully, I promise."  
Callie nodded and leaned against Hotch. "If he's just a bit like you, then he is a fine little boy. I really like to meet him, Aaron."


	6. Giving an explanation

"Is it already morning?" Callie asked softly. She had noticed, Hotch was awake and snuggled up to him.  
"It's 6 a.m., Callie. No need for you to get up. But I need to go home, change my clothes and then..." Hotch took a deep breath, "my team." Hotch made no effort to get up.  
"You want to talk with your colleagues, I understand that. You have to, they´ll be concerned. But this will probably not be easy, right?"  
"They´re actually more than just my team. Some kind of family, Cal. And I'm afraid, I snubbed them."  
"And all because of me, I'm afraid, I´m having a bad influence on you, Aaron Hotchner." Callie chuckled and kissed Hotch tenderly.  
"Oh Lord, I guess, you're a terrible person, Kayleigh Aimes", Hotch smiled and strengthened his embrace a bit. It was so good, to share a little laughter with her.

**oOo**

Hotch walked into the bullpen shortly after 8 a.m. He wasn´t wearing the usual suit, he looked... unusual, almost casual. With sand-colored trousers and thin black sweater. If there wasn´t that expression on his face, one might have thought that this was a brief visit to say hello. But unfortunately it was not.  
"I would like to talk to you, if you give me some time." Hotch said into the silent, slightly reproachful-looking round.  
"Boss, what are you doing, merely," Garcia shrieked from behind and hugged Hotch fiercely. "You cannot leave, Hotch." Pen said firmly.  
"I would like to explain it, if you let me. Maybe in the meeting room, if the team leader agrees." Hotch looked at Derek.  
"Don´t think I forgive you that fast, Hotch." Derek muttered indignantly. But of course, he also wanted to know what Hotch had induced to take this step.

Hotch remained silent for a while, until he found the right words.

"I didn´t want to create a fait accompli, that was wrong. I´m sorry for that. It must have been clear to me, that Strauss was going to inform you immediately. I was supposed, to put you in the picture, but I didn´t...I couldn´t. I understand you are angry with me, I would be, too, if it was the other way around. But you know, this decision was overdue. You, as my team, you knew I wasn´t myself, lately, maybe I wasn´t myself since Haley's death. I've tried to keep it going, somehow. But I... I´m choking here. I can´t look in the eyes of parents no more, asking me, why their kid had to die, I just can´t.  
There's this woman, Callie. You´ve already seen her, she's been here. She gives me something I missed for very long time." Hotch paused to collect himself a little.

"But Callie ... Callie is sick. She ... " Hotch tried to blink the tears away, but he succeeded only partially. His voice almost broke.

"Callie will die and she won´t have to do that alone. She´ll have Jack and me and that's why I won´t be around, the next months."

Penelope was the first one to sob loudly and she dug her hand into Derek's arm. JJ and Emily just looked at each other and Rossi put his hand on Hotch´s shoulder.  
"I don´t have to tell you, we are all here for you and also for Callie, when you need us. No matter what, Aaron."

Hotch nodded, "Thank you, Dave. I don´t expect you to understand, I just want you to know. It... it's something I must do. For me and for her. I don´t know how everything will work out and what to expect. Honestly it scares me to death." Hotch paused, threatened to be overwhelmed by his emotions. This conversation was hell, how would Jack react?  
Derek stood up without a word and left the conference room. "I´ll talk to him. " Emily said softly. She pressed Hotch 's hand.  
"Dave is right. This is true for all of us, even for the stubborn one." Prentiss quickly slipped out, following Morgan.  
JJ came over to Hotch. "I´m gonna pray for you and Callie, Hotch. I don´t know what to say, except that I´m thinking you're very brave. And I didn´t know how bad you felt. I´m sorry, Hotch. For not noticing. You can talk to me, anytime, Hotch. We are your friends, so please, if there is anything we can do, just ask. And let´s meet regularly, I want you and Callie for dinner, at Saturday. You promise, Hotch?"

"If Callie feels okay, we´d love to come, JJ. Thank you."  
"I´m so sorry for you and your girl, boss-man." Garcia whispered and hugged Hotch again before she left with JJ .  
"I can´t think of any appropriate statistics, Hotch," Reid mumbled uncertainly.  
"Maybe you could tell me that some of those who are supposed to die don´t have to, because someone can save them?" Hotch said sadly, "it is all right, Spencer. I know you'll be there, too. "

**oOo**

Emily found Morgan in the gymnasium. He was hitting a punching ball, like crazy.  
"What kind of shit game is this, Emily?" he gasped, "what the hell Hotch has done in a past life, to go through this? Can you tell me, Prentiss? I was so pissed, yesterday. And now? I want to hide somewhere and cry like a baby. Why are we doing all this, Em? We get up, every day and try to save as many lives as possible and what do we get in return? A kick in the ass!"  
Derek punched the ball again. He felt helpless and angry. Perplexed, because he didn´t quite understand why Hotch wanted to be there in this way for an almost stranger.  
"He loves her, Derek ," Emily said, as if reading his thoughts. "You cannot pick or choose. The heart is always the heart. It decides on it´s own."  
"What if Hotch does not come back? Have you ever thought about it , Prentiss? What if he wants to end it all together with Callie?"  
"He won´t, Derek. Hotch has just arrived at a point where he has to re-sort things. Decide, what´s important for him in his life. Earlier, Morgan, it was his job. Now it´s love. Unconditional love. And he is now questioning his job. Like Elle, like Gideon. This five girls we lost in Maine? Maybe it´s his _'one case too_ _much'_. We all will get to this point, you cannot do what we do without taking damage. When it´s my turn, I hope I can be as straight and consistent as Hotch. Perhaps he is truly unrecoverable, after Callie's death and he won´t come back. But that 's his decision, all alone, Derek. And we, as his friends will understand."

Emily turned around and wanted to leave. "Emmy? Wait." Derek went after her and turned her to him. "There's something I wanted to do for a long time, Emily." He put his hand under her chin and lifted her face up a little. Then he slowly lowered his lips to hers and kissed Emily tenderly.

**oOo**

Will wanted to pay JJ a visit. Maybe they´d spend lunchtime together. Will had a bad conscience, he was hoping she wanted to see him at all. They had a quarrel, last night, Will didn´t even remember, what the fight was all about. One thing led to another, like always. He loved JJ, but sometimes she made him mad. And yet he wanted nothing more than to love and protect her. He knocked at the door frame.  
"Hey, Jenny," he said carefully and prepared himself for a quick leave. To his great surprise, she just looked at him and then rushed into his arms. "Oh, Will," she sobbed and Will held her as tightly as he could.

**oOo**

Hotch stood in front of Jack's school and watched the children screaming and storming happily out of the building.  
"Daddy!" Jack hopped up to his father and threw herself into his arms. "You did not say you pick me up," he laughed joyfully and Hotch had to laugh, too.  
"What about a visit to the park, you like so much? The one with the playground? We can spend some time there and later we´ll have pizza. What do you think?" Jack nodded eagerly.

"There is also something I would also like to discuss with you, Jack."  
" 'cause of Aunty Jess?" Jack asked.  
"Because of Aunt Jess? Actually no, Jack. What's wrong with Aunty Jess?"  
"I think it 's sad, Daddy. Yesterday evening Uncle Dave came and Aunt Jess has been crying so much, Uncle Dave had to hug her sooo much."  
Jack hugged his father, " just like this, Daddy." Jack looked questioningly at his father, "do you think she was sad because you're sad?"  
Hotch sighed softly, "that may be so, Jack." He took Jack´s book bag and strapped him in the car. Jess was comforted by Dave? Hotch had no idea that the two of them were so close. Something else, that just rushed past me, Hotch thought.

He let Jack play for a long time on the playground, until he could decide to talk to him.

"Jack, you wanted to visit Ferdinand 's Mum with me, you remember?"  
"Oh yes! Please, Daddy! Can we do that?"  
"She is looking forward to you, Jack. But there's something I need to tell you necessarily before we visit her," Hotch said, stroking his son 's hair.  
"You've asked before, why Aunt Jess is sad. She is sad because of Callie, like me."  
Jack looked at his father intently. "Why are you sad about Callie? You said, she´s nice. I know she is, Daddy, she painted something just for me."  
"I 'm sad because Callie cannot stay with us for long, Jack. Callie has to go away very soon."

Jack thought for a moment, "some place, we can´t go?" he asked. "Becca 's Dad also has to go to that place, Becca cannot go with him. Becca is crying quite often in class. Then I´m sharing my lunch with her and I hug her as much as I can, Daddy. She´s my best friend, I don´t want her to be sad."  
Hotch tried desperately to keep his composure, Jack was such a good, compassionate boy. Hotch could not imagine how he could be like that, after all that had happened. Hotch didn´t realize, Jack was just like him. A warm and caring person.  
"Yes, I think that's same with Becca 's Dad, Jack." He put Jack on his lap. "I'll be so sad and I´ll cry like Becca, when Callie has gone away, maybe even earlier, Jack. You see?" Jack touched his father's cheek, a single tear was finding it´s way down. "But Callie won´t leave so fast as Mommy, I can say '_goodbye_' to her. And you could do that too, if you want to. It would be like saying '_goodbye_' to Mommy, kind of. " Hotch stroked his son´s back, affectionately.

"Callie will go to Mommy and be an angel, too?" Jack asked and Hotch put his arms around his son.  
"Yes, she will, Jack."  
"And you still like her? Even if she will visit Mommy?"  
"I like Callie a lot, Jack. And I don´t want Callie to be alone, when she is going to Mommy."

Jack had to think a little. "I want to go to Callie, Daddy. Maybe I can like her just a little bit? And maybe she can tell Mommy, we miss her?"

Hotch nodded, "I know, she will tell her, Jack," he whispered and squeezed Jack in desperation.


	7. Never again

Callie sat on tenterhooks, Hotch had called and announced to come by with Jack an hour ago. She wondered, what words Hotch probably might have found to explain to his son what would be. Even for her as a writer, that would be so hard, like nothing else.  
She was glad when it finally rang. "I thought ... " Callie stopped mid-sentence, this wasn´t Hotch, the man seemed vaguely familiar to her, but she could not place him somewhere.  
"Yes, please?"  
"My name is Derek Morgan, I 'm a friend of Hotch." Derek showed his badge as a precaution, he was afraid, she´d slam the door right into his face.  
" I think, I remember you. But please, do come in."  
Derek didn´t know exactly what brought him here, he probably just wanted to know who she was.  
"If you want to ask me not to die, then I´m sorry, Agent Morgan. Wish I could do you that favor." Callie said flatly, and sat down on her couch. Derek noticed the dark circles under her eyes and her left arm, she held it awkward, like she couldn´t feel it properly.

Derek swallowed, he did not quite know what to say.  
"I wanted to know, for whom Hotch has left his team", he finally said.

Callie nodded, " I can understand that. I didn´t ask for it , if that's, what you want to know. I did not even want him to fall in love with me, or me, falling in love with him. But he made it so easy for me, Aaron is such a good man." Callie smiled a bit, "but I don´t need to say that, for sure. "  
Derek shook his head, "no, you don´t have to. Hotch has people who care about him, Callie. We ... I'm... afraid he can´t handle all that."  
"Hotch told me about his wife and this man, Foyet? And I know what he is facing every day. I know very well, Hotch is desperate and lonely, Agent Morgan. He told me, he doesn´t know anymore, how to live. He and me, we´ll live together, as long as we can. I wanna show him, how to live. I want to give him back his faith. This will be my gift to him and Jack. Maybe my death isn´t totally in vain."

Callie shivered, trying to keep her composure. "You´d better go now, Hotch and Jack will come every minute and I don´t want Jack to see me like this."

There was a knock at the door. "I hope you have a good explanation ready," Callie said to Derek and opened the door. Of course it was Hotch, who had a bottle of red wine in his hand.  
"If I remember correctly, we were talking about pizza this morning? Oh, and I brought reinforcements." Jack was peeking from behind Hotch 's back and Callie bent down to him.  
"Hello, sweetheart. You have to be Jack, right? Your Daddy told me a lot about you. I'm Callie, but you probably know already."  
Jack nodded, " Hi Callie," he said, coming forward, but still holding his father´s sleeve.  
Callie smiled, "so come in, then. Incidentally, there´s a visitor for you, Hotch. He said he wanted to talk to you," Callie used a little white lie and built Morgan a small bridge.  
"Morgan? How the ... What are you doing here?" Hotch asked, completely surprised.  
"Um, Callie already said it, I wanted to talk to you. Hey Jack."  
"Hey, Uncle Derek," Jack jumped up to him and Derek twirled him around. "You´re all right, mate?"  
Callie took the bottle from Hotch, " You can talk outside on the roof, you´ll be undisturbed," she said in a low voice.

"Jack, we want to make pizza together? Your Daddy told me, it´s your favorite?"  
"Oh yes, Callie. I can choose what we put on it ? "  
"Of course, you come into the kitchen with me? "

" Ye -hes, I want to have a lot of cheese, Callie. "

**oOo**

" I'm sorry Hotch. I was an asshole." Derek admitted on the roof.  
"I didn´t notice," Hotch said dryly.  
"It was just so surprising and you didn´t talk to anyone, Hotch."  
"I couldn´t, Derek. But leaving was the only way to...Lucy Simms, the last victim? When we dragged her out of the water, for a little moment, she was looking like Jack. And I realized, I cannot go on like this, without becoming insane. And then I met Callie. She's such a positive person, despite everything. I want all the time I can get with her."  
"You love her," Derek concluded. "The heart is always the heart, Emily said, before I kissed her."  
Hotch had to laugh, "you did what? And she didn´t shoot you?"  
"Why would she do that, I'm a fantastic kisser," Derek grinned. "So you still can do it," Derek said firmly.  
"What?"  
"Share a Laugh, Hotch. I didn´t see that in a long time, you should do it more often."  
"Then you have to kiss Emily more often. What were you thinking?"

Morgan shrugged. "Honestly, I don´t know for sure. I simply wanted it, perhaps because life is so short, Hotch. She ran for the hills, like the devil was behind her, apparently my kissing qualities are a bit overrated." Derek patted Hotch´s shoulder. "We should go back in, don´t leave her alone for so long. She´s a good girl, Hotch. We´re good?"  
"We were always good from my side, Derek. " Hotch replied firmly and the two men went back into the living room.  
"Do you want to stay for dinner?" Callie asked from the kitchen. Derek denied.  
"Thanks, there is some place, I have to be. But we´re playing softball on Sunday, versus this wimps from Homeland Security, would be nice if you´d come. 2 p.m. on our sports grounds. We´d all be glad."  
"And we will gladly come, or what do you think, Jack?" Callie asked.  
"Uncle Derek always says things, that Daddy doesn´t want me to hear. I think that's funny," Jack chuckled.  
"Then that 's settled. Oh, and give Emily my regards." Hotch smiled, as he accompanied Morgan to the door. He knew exactly, what date Derek had in mind.

"Can I help you? " Hotch asked. Jack and Callie sat peacefully at the kitchen counter and cut the ingredients for the topping.  
"You can take care of the dough , if you want. ... The.." Callie looked unsuccessfully for the right word.  
"Rolling-pin?"  
Aaron offered carefully and Callie nodded, relieved. "The rolling-pin is in the drawer next to the fridge. I didn´t know, you and Jack were tree huggers. "  
"Tree huggers?"  
Hotch repeated irritated and Jack chuckled again, "because we don´t eat tuna, Daddy. Because of the dolphins. "  
"Um, yeah. I guess we´re tree huggers then, Callie." Anyhow, tree huggers sounded much more child-friendly than '_environmentalists_.' Jack and he had been in the mall some time ago, where they met with a Greenpeace information booth. They had spoken about the dolphins, dying in the tuna fishermen´s nets. Since then tuna was a taboo in the Hotchner household, Jack was very persistent about that.  
Hotch struggled with the dough on the baking sheet. In the end, it seemed a bit unconventional, Hotch had simply decided not to distribute the dough into the corners. What, of course, didn´t spoil the taste. Jack opted for ham, mushrooms and a lot of cheese, Callie and Hotch chose ham and pineapple.

Hotch watched Callie very carefully, but apparently she was relatively ok. Sometimes she lacked for the right words, but she disguised that very good.

After dinner Jack asked Callie a lot of questions about the purple-eared rabbit. She answered very gladly and willingly, often she was laughing with Jack about his thoughts and ideas. They sat on the huge sofa and enjoyed themselves splendidly. If Hotch wouldn´t have known better, one might have taken them for a happy family. He suddenly couldn´t breathe and quickly slipped out, on the roof. Callie glanced him a worried look.

"Daddy is sad because you 're going to an angel, Callie ," Jack said quietly and sat down on Callie's lap. "You don´t wanna be an angel?" he wanted to know.  
"It's not bad to be an angel, Jack. Angels watch out for their loved ones. I'd just like to stay a little longer with you and your Dad." Callie tried to explain and Jack put his arms around her.  
"Why do you have to leave, Callie?"  
" I don´t know, Jack. I have no answer, sweetheart, it´s just the way it is." Callie pulled Jack a little closer and rocked him gently back and forth.

Hotch sat outside in the beach chair that stood on the terrace. Somehow it had become his favorite place, he felt safe in this chair, kind of. He clung to a pillow and tried to breathe calmly. Spending such a seemingly happy evening with Jack and Callie, felt as if an iron bracket was put around his heart. As Hotch had regained some of his composure and came back into the living room, Callie and Jack slept on the couch. Both of them looked calm and peaceful, Jack´s head lay Callie's lap and Callie leaned half at one of her pillows, half she lay on Jack. For sure, that wasn´t really comfortable, but neither Callie nor Jack seemed to find that disturbing. Hotch remembered the camera, he had seen on Callie´s shelf and went quietly to look after it. Callie was a tidy person and so it was still lying, where Hotch had seen it last.

**oOo**

Derek stood for some time in front of Emily's apartment without being able to decide to ring the bell. He had to remember, how scared Emily looked at him and how she took flight, as headless, as he had never seen her before.  
"What the hell," Derek said loudly, got out of his car and rang the bell.  
" I already have a vacuum cleaner," Emily´s voice came from the intercom and Derek laughed, "Then I´m gonna be the friendly Avon consultant from across the street."  
Morgan heard muffled giggles before the door buzzer sounded. Emily was waiting for him in the doorway, with Sergio on her arm.  
"Is this the ominous dark-haired, you meet that often?" he asked, scratching the little tiger behind his ears. "You 've been crying ," Derek said firmly.

"I felt like crying," Emily said and let Derek in. "I just can´t get Hotch and Callie out of my head, Derek." Sergio meowed annoyed, because Prentiss put him down on the floor.  
"The way we all feel right now, Em."

Derek pointed at the bottle of vodka that was on the table, "mind, if I join you?" he asked. Emily opened the showcase and handed Derek another glass. Derek poured some vodka in it.  
"Because of this afternoon, " Derek began, after Emily sat next to him.  
"Oh, you came to apologize?"  
"Wow. Excuse me, but you 've answered my kiss, Emily. Okay, then you um..left, but you have answered to it."  
Emily groaned, " I 'm not made of wood, Morgan. You just caught me on the wrong foot. " she confessed.  
"Is it still the wrong foot? " Derek asked and moved closer. He stroked Emily 's hair from her face, she didn´t move, she looked into Derek´s eyes, directly.

"Only once, Derek. Do you understand? It has to be absolutely clear. This one time, we will never talk about it again and it will never happen again."

"Never again," Derek muttered and kissed her. Like automatically Emily's hands slipped under Morgan's shirt and caressed his back, she needed only seconds to pull his shirt off. Derek moaned softly, she knew what she wanted. He freed her from her top. It felt so right when Derek carried her into the bedroom and they lost all remaining garments. Their body's danced that passionate dance, that was yet so old, but always new, the same and yet so different.

"Never again?" Derek asked as both of them lay side by side, completely exhausted.  
"Never again," Emily replied breathlessly.

**A/N Thanks to Ramona, tissues will be needed, I´m afraid. And also a big Thank You, for everyone, reading this.**


	8. How many lives?

_'Never Again'_ was haunting Derek in the next few days. He tried to behave as normal as possible, when he met Emily. Tried to ignore her scent or the thought of her skin, skin like silk. Or her moans of pleasure, when he buried himself inside of her...

"Um...Morgan? Everything all right with you? You´re acting strange, lately. Putting sugar in your coffee? What´s going on?" Reid wanted to know. Derek muttered something unintelligible about Strauss and fled to Garcia.

**oOo**

"Oh, Big Choc, do you think, Hotch and Callie will make it to the softball match?"  
Garcia sniffed. Since she knew what was wrong with Callie, she did little else.

"I don´t know, baby girl," Derek replied and handed her a new tissue. "I think, it depends on how she feels. I don´t know her that good, but she's a fighter, she will fight for every moment with Hotch and Jack, that's for sure."  
"But JJ has been here, a couple of minutes ago, they have canceled dinner tomorrow. Why her, chocolate bear? It does make me sad, so incredibly sad."

Garcia blew her nose violently and Morgan kissed her forehead.

"I know that, baby girl. But we won´t change anything, by being so sad. Callie wants to live, with Hotch and Jack. And we should make them life as easy as possible. When they actually attend the match on Sunday, then we´ll be normal, you know, baby girl? So no sad looks, no howling, no whatsoever hugs. I 'm serious, Penny. For Hotch. How 's he going to be strong for Callie when we aren´t strong for him? "  
"You 're a good man, Derek Morgan," Garcia said softly.  
" I´m not, kitten. Not in the slightest. "

**oOo**

Hotch and Callie had good reasons to cancel dinner at JJ´s. Callie woke up on Friday morning with severe pain. Hotch had to call Dr. Malone, the Vicodin had been completely ineffective. Meanwhile morphine seemed to do, Callie slept quietly.  
"This will happen more often, Mr. Hotchner." Ike Malone said.  
"No. Hotch, please."  
Ike nodded, "it´s Ike, then." he said, squeezing Hotch 's hand. "Eventually she will get massive blurred vision, or have difficulties in finding words , the paralysis will be more, even the headaches. The tumor grows quickly, Hotch. I wish I had better news. Callie will need morphine more often now, you dare, giving it to her?"  
Hotch ran his fingers through his hair, " I dunno, Ike. I don´t want to kill Callie, morphine is dangerous."  
"I know, son. But it´s the only possibility, to take her pain away. I´m gonna explain exactly, what to do. If you are still unsure, you can call me any time."

Malone patted Hotch 's shoulder. Ike was aware, he was too much engaged, Callie had become so much more than just a patient for him and since he experienced Hotch and Callie together, each distance was just gone. Ike had lost his son and his daughter-in-law very early in a plane crash. Only two people were remaining in the Malone family, he himself and his beloved granddaughter, Renée. Somehow, it was only natural to look at Hotch a little as his son. He prayed for both of them, hoping for a miracle, but the last CT-scan yesterday spoke a very clear, different language.

"We're running out of time, Ike, are we? "

Malone just looked sadly at Hotch.

"Then show me what to do." Hotch said firmly.

**oOo**

Emily Prentiss was in the lady's room, looking into the mirror. Were there any changes? Did anyone notice, she had slept with Derek? Emily could tell, there was a special gleam in their eyes, while she had been thinking about him. It was such a stupid idea, but Derek's presence and her need for closeness...Emily was overran by her feelings. Emily still felt his hands on her body, his mouth, biting her nipples softly and his fingers, which paved the way into her insides, gently and carefully, but still challenging.  
Em moaned again, a little louder than the first time.

JJ flushed and opened the door, "okay, that's enough now, who is he? " She heard Emily coming, the clicking of her heels was unmistakable. By the first sigh, JJ thought nothing further, probably Emmy was discovering a non-existent wrinkle, but now?  
"God, JJ ! Do you want to scare me to death? " Emily had become pale, she wasn´t expecting company here.  
"So, Miss Prentiss, out with it !" JJ was grateful for the distraction. Just like all the others, also JJ's thoughts were around Hotch and Callie. Hotch sounded terrible when he canceled the dinner, Callie must have been worse. JJ moved and influenced all that a lot. Last night she had, for the first time in a long time, again conducted a detailed conversation with Will. And it was a good conversation without mutual accusations or claims. They made love to each other, then. JJ felt closer to Will, than the last couple of months. The arguments had become irrelevant facing Hotch and Callie´s despair.

"So who is it? Quite obviously he was good, if I´m interpreting the groans correctly."  
"Derek," Emily breathed and turned bright red.

**oOo**

Hotch sat next to Callie's bed in the chair, engrossed in a book about photography. After Ike left, Hotch worked a little with Callie´s SLR Camera, changed the lenses a couple of times, changed a few settings and made himself more familiar with the functions. Callie had told him, she at first took some pictures from a subject, before she was painting it. It helped her, to find the right perspective. Hotch had no intention to paint, but he liked, taking photo´s from Jack and Callie. She encouraged him, Hotch was very good in observing and that´s what made a good photographer.  
"_Grey, dear friend, is all theory_," Callie quoted softly from the bed and carefully sat up.  
"Schiller?" Hotch asked and Callie smiled.  
"Goethe, Faust. Mephistopheles says it to Faust in his study, I guess. Not good in remembering things, lately, I´m afraid."  
"Oh, I 'm sure Reid could recite the rest, without hesitation. He has an eidetic memory. " Aaron put the book aside and lay down with Callie a bit.  
She clung to him, "you miss your colleagues? Reid, who was that, the one with the long hair?"  
Hotch kissed her tenderly. "Exactly. And of course I miss my friends and colleagues, I´ve worked with them for ages. But it's perfectly fine, right now." Hotch stroked Callie's cheek, "It´s a long time, since I did something for me in personal, Cal. There was the case, the paperwork, the next case, the next paperwork...you know, what I mean? A few days ago, it would not have occurred to me in a dream, to occupy myself with photography. And I´m enjoying it. And I can drive my son to school, everyday and last but not least, it´s 4 in the afternoon and I'm lying in bed with the most beautiful woman in the world."

Callie gave him a little slap, "old flatterer. But I do like when you say things like that. What do you like most?"  
"Your eyes, Callie. I've never seen such a light green before, you look so deeply into me," Hotch 's voice broke. "Callie," he whispered choking and Callie pulled him close to her.

" It's all right, Aaron. Shh , shh, shh , I know how hard this is. I'm so sorry, my love, so incredibly sorry." Callie tried to comfort Hotch as good as she could. His agonized sob at her chest made her speechless.

**oOo**

"Derek?" JJ repeated tonelessly, "Garcia's chocolate bunny fucked you?"  
"He is by no means a _bunny_ JJ, I can assure you," Emily said dryly. "And he didn´t ...um...fuck... me, he... since when you´re expressing yourself in such a vulgar language, JJ?"  
JJ gasped, "Only to get it straight. So it was more than that? Emily, come on, don´t let me starve here."  
Emily moaned, "we slept together. Once. We agreed, it won´t happen again. Period, JJ. "  
The blonde chuckled, "go, tell that to your priest, Em. I can see it in your eyes. Emily Prentiss, you´re in love with Derek Morgan."  
JJ laughed merrily, "Oh , I like that! Promise me, I´ll be your bridesmaid!"

Emily thought about shooting JJ for a minute. "If you don´t want to become this ladies room a crime scene, you better shut up, JJ. Derek and me agreed, we won´t do that again and that´s it. So forget about the bridesmaid quickly. "  
" Hm, I might as well be godmother, I 'm sure you and Derek are getting cute ... Ouch, Emily. That hurt. What are you carrying in your handbag, bricks?"

**oOo**

Callie felt good enough to go to the softball match on Sunday. Jack was jumping around her and Hotch all morning. He was excited to have his father and Callie around. And it was great, too, Daddy wasn´t hunting baddies and he and Callie had lots of fun. Not that kind of wild fun, Callie was tired, very often. Jack didn´t mind that, he knew, Callie was ill.

"Can I get a sandwich, Callie? I 'm really hungry." Jack cocked his head and looked longingly at Callie .  
"Um, Jack. Maybe we´d ask your Dad first? You had two muffins earlier, I don´t want you to throw up."  
"Daddy? "  
"Son? "  
Jack chuckled and hugged Hotch 's leg, "Oh, Daddy please, can I get a sandwich?"  
Hotch put Jack on the counter. "Yes, Jack. But there has to be some salad on it, we´re done with the peanut butter, ok?"  
"I don´t like salad so much," Jack was looking suspiciously at the sandwich, his father had just put together and cut diagonally.

"It´s more ham than salad, Jack. And Ferdinand loves salad a lot, it´s his favorite dish." Callie said and ruffled Jack's hair.  
"Then I can eat that too," Jack said, grabbing the sandwich and hopping with Hotch 's help from the counter.

Callie and Hotch looked after him as he disappeared towards the roof terrace. "He's a great kid, Aaron. And he is a lot like you. "  
Hotch put his arms around Callie, "I´m not that great, Cal. Jess has done a lot of educational work." He kissed her on the neck.  
"Jess cares a lot about you, Hotch. She's been at the 'blue note', you know that?"  
" She paid you a visit? At the club?" Hotch asked, astonished.  
Callie nodded, "Jess is a strong woman. She asked me to give you a chance. Something you´d only do, for someone, who is important to you. "  
"What are you trying to say, Callie? Jess loves me?"  
" I don´t know, Aaron. All I noticed was, she wanted you to be happy."

Hotch suddenly had to think about what Jack had said. Rossi comforted Jess. Renounced she a life of her own to fulfill Haley's request? How many lives Foyet has actually destroyed, Hotch wondered. Were Dave and Jess two of them?

**A/N Thanks again to Ramona, you´re gonna need them.**


	9. Is never again never again?

Hotch, Callie and Jack were heading for the bleachers as last. Garcia was waving violently, "here we are! We saved seats for you, the game is about to start."  
The three made their way to Garcia.  
"You sit down next to me, honeybee. You have to tell me all about the private Hotchner. " Callie found herself in a warm embrace Garcia's and Hotch chuckled.  
"She´s always like this, Cal. It´s OG, Original Garcia. Nothing you can do about it." Callie smiled, the blonde was very likeable.

" Oh yes. Boss-man is right. I'm Penelope Garcia, the pretty dark-haired is Emily Prentiss, but I think you already know her? "  
Callie nodded, "Hello Emily. "

"This is Spencer Reid, our own little private genius. Say hello, Spencer." Reid smiled, "hello, Spencer.", he said and made Callie laugh.  
"Our blond beauty here is JJ, the Southerner is Will and the little dwarf is Henry . ... And oh dearie me, who invited her?"  
Garcia pointed at Strauss, she was moving in the grandstand´s direction.  
"It´s not nice to point with your finger at people, Penny," Jack interjected and made everyone smile.  
"No, I should not do that ," Garcia confirmed seriously, "you 're absolutely right, Jack."

But Strauss had the decency not to join her team. She found a place a few rows apart. She was well aware how much _affection_ the team had for her. She came, because she was curious. Of course, it was going around, why Aaron Hotchner had left his team for a while. Strauss wanted to know, just like Derek, who Callie was. She was watching the couple during the game. Actually no minute went by, they didn´t touch or hug or kiss each other. Erin hadn´t seen Hotch like this before. She had to admit it, she was touched. Even though she was always the tough, insufferable boss, but now small, little Erin deep inside of her was about to cry. Strauss swallowed. Callie was handing out sandwiches, during the break, suddenly she was whispering something in Hotch´s ear.

Hotch came and sat down on the seat next to Strauss. He handed her a sandwich. "I hope you like ham and cheese, Chief? "  
"That wouldn´t have been necessary, but thank you. Honestly, I 'm hungry. She seems to be very nice, Aaron. ", she said after a short pause.  
"She's more than that, Erin. She means everything to me. "  
Strauss nodded, "I can see that. I could not do, what you are doing, Aaron. Stay until the end, no matter what." Strauss admitted quietly.  
"You can do everything, when love is big enough, Erin. Don´t you forget, there are other things besides the job. Much more important things. We´ll meet later at Rossi´s, why don´t you join us?"  
Strauss gave a short laugh, "I do not want to spoil the evening. But have fun, please. If there is something I can do, please do not hesitate. I'm serious. " Strauss added.  
"I wish you could, Erin. But thank you for offering. "

oOo

Aaron sat back in his seat, when Derek was the next to bat.  
"Show them, how it´s done!" Prentiss roared and Derek missed the first ball. JJ grinned and got an angry look from Emily.  
"You can do much better!" Emily screamed again and Derek also missed ball number two.  
"You might shut up, Em. Or did Homeland Security bribe you?" JJ put her hand to her mouth, she was almost bursting with laughter.

Derek tried to focus on the ball. But every time he closed his eyes, there was Emily. Emily panting, moaning, her legs wrapped around him, to feel him as deep as possible inside of her. He missed ball number three.  
"Damn crap!"  
Derek yelled and threw his bat on the ground, furiously.

Callie was covering Jack´s ears in foresight and Hotch pressed the shutter. It was one of many pictures, Hotch took this day.

oOo

The B-B-Q that took place at Rossi´s afterwards was a jolly one, as far, one could tell. Garcia provided a brief moment of shock when she made a thoughtless remark about a salad dressing , a recipe from Will´s mother. Her " Oh God, Will, I could die for this", caused immediate silence.  
Callie laughed, "come on, that's like avoiding to say 'see you' when someone is blind."

" Exactly," Reid agreed and made one of his very rare and not so funny jokes. "Or like a day fly, who is asking another day fly, _Got any plans for tomorrow_?" Callie smiled and hugged Reid. "Thank you for being normal, Spencer." And so this cliff was circumnavigated.

"She's a strong woman, Aaron," Rossi said to Hotch. They stood a little aloof, drinking their beer from the bottle.  
"I know Rossi. And she is so much stronger than me, I'm afraid. " Hotch paused for a moment.  
"What is it, with you and Jess?" he asked.

Rossi didn´t answer.

" Jack has told me, you have been close, you hugged and comforted Jess? " Hotch tried it again.  
Rossi took another sip and decided to be honest. "I love Jess. For quite a long time, Aaron. It...It started after Haley´s death. We met often, first to talk, Jess was needing comfort and I was there. Shouldn´t go that deep, but I guess, you know, how this things happen. It was serious, Aaron. I asked her to be my wife, but Jess said no. She gave that promise to Haley, to take care of you and Jack. She was afraid, she couldn´t keep it. It was hell, to let her go."  
"Why did you never say anything, Dave? "

"What was I supposed to say, Aaron? Stop mourning and give Jess free? You are my friend, Aaron. I would never have done that. Jess is worth waiting, I know. I won´t give up hope."  
"You won´t have to wait no more, Dave. Not if I can help it. " Hotch patted Rossi´s shoulder. He wondered, how he could ever be so blind. Was he really do deeply involved in his grief, not to see what was going on ? That his friend loved his sister-in-law and she probably loved him back?

oOo

"That wasn´t nice, Prentiss," Morgan growled, " We've only lost because of you."  
"Oh, now I 'm to blame, maybe the whimps were just better this time?"  
"I was thinking about you, Em. All the time." Derek whispered, "whether this ' never again ' is negotiable? You feel so damn good, Emmy. Your skin is like silk and you smell so good, baby. " Morgan took a brief look around, nobody was watching them. His hand stroked casually over her hip and slipped under her shirt. Emily did not move, Morgan noted, however, that she was breathing harder. Derek pressed himself against her, Emily was very aware of what's going on in Derek .  
"We can´t Morgan, please."  
" Emmy, Emmy, Emmy," Derek whispered in her ear , "your breasts fit so perfectly in my hands, they are made for me, but I don´t have to tell you, right?" Derek's hands proved this point. Emily suppressed a lustful moan, Derek's thumb irritated her nipples through the bra, his seductive whispers did the rest.

"Say it, Emily. Say you want me. " Morgan's voice was only a breath, Emily gave up.  
" I want you, Derek . "  
" Say it again." Derek ordered her.

" I want you, Derek. " Emily repeated obediently.  
"Let´s find a suitable place in Casa Rossi then, my beauty. " Morgan took Emily into the house.

oOo

Callie sat on a deck chair and looked at Jack and Henry. It was nice to see how happy and carefree the boys were. Aaron sat down beside her. "You look tired, love. We want to go home? " Hotch caressed her hair and kissed Callie tenderly.  
"I 'm really tired, Aaron. I guess, Rossi isn´t angry if we say goodbye? "  
"Certainly not, Callie. Come, I'll help you up." Callie felt dizzy, she had to lean on Hotch.  
"Is everything ok? " JJ asked. She had an eye on Hotch and Callie.

"It was a long day, JJ." Hotch replied, holding Callie close.  
"Why don´t you leave Jack here for a while?" Will suggested, "Henry and he are playing so well together. And you´ll have a little privacy." Will added and JJ nodded affirmatively.  
"That would be no problem, Hotch. I have already told you, we all are here for you and support you."  
Callie grabbed JJ's hand. "Thank you. I don´t know how .. "

"You don´t have to, Callie. You belong with Hotch and this means you´re family. Simple thing. " JJ hugged Callie spontaneously and the others came to say goodbye . Also a quite deranged Derek Morgan and a no less messy Emily Prentiss.  
"I really do hope, you talked about prevention and didn´t use my bedroom," Rossi said dryly. The appearance of Derek and Emily was too obvious.

oOo

Callie fell asleep in the car, she was much more exhausted than she wanted to admit. Hotch was carrying her into the elevator and into her apartment. "I´m way to heavy for this, Aaron", she said. Hotch had to smile. "No, you´re not. And I´m gonna help you undress, Cal."  
"If I wasn´t tired like hell, I would accept your offer," she smiled and wrapped her arms around Hotch 's neck.  
"Oh, that´s not the way I meant it. Not, that I wouldn´t like to make love to you. But cuddling seems to be more appropriate at the moment."

"Such a frugal man ," Callie replied, she ruffled his hair and kissed him. "I love you so much , Aaron. And I am so sorry that I have to hurt you so much. ", she said, crying a little.  
"Don´t cry, Callie. Please don´t. " Hotch held her as close as he could. Why was that so difficult ?

oOo

JJ came with Jack two hours later. "Hello buddy, enjoyed your time with Henry?"  
"Yes, Daddy. I also got some ice cream from Aunt JJ, now I´m fully totally sated."

"I can imagine that, Jack. However, you have to brush your teeth now, put on your pj´s and go to bed, okay son? "  
"Ye-hes, I can do that all by yourself, Aunty JJ. Oh, Daddy, can I sleep with you and Callie? "  
" Exceptionally, Jack. But be quiet, Callie is already asleep. "  
"Pff, I'm always quiet," Jack said and toddled off into the bathroom. He turned briefly to JJ, "Night, Aunty JJ. "

"Night, Jack. Sweet dreams." JJ replied.  
"So you and Jack moved in, here?" JJ asked.  
" So to speak. Callie´s apartment is much bigger than mine ... "  
"And also much more friendly ," interrupted JJ.  
"I know, mine is more...well... useful. "  
" A very friendly term, Hotch. It´s dark as a tomb. No wonder you´re depressed. But I saw you laughing today, more than once. And apparently you´re having fun, photographing? "  
"Yes, it looks as if I have a hobby, JJ. "  
"She's really nice, Hotch. We all like Callie, but we are also concerned about you. Don´t get me wrong, Hotch. This is going to be hard. I mean, I can see how red and puffy your eyes already are. Jack will also notice this. What are you going to tell him? "  
"Jack knows about Callie, JJ . And he knows that I'm sad and I will cry. He knows the truth, I have not lied to him. If it should get too bad for him, then I will take appropriate action but at the moment I want him to have all the time with Callie, he can get, as I do. "

"Ok, but you will call, Hotch? Please."  
"I promise, JJ."  
"I'm counting on you," JJ said while walking.

Hotch went into the bedroom. Jack was already in bed, cuddling close to Callie. His favorite stuffed animal found some space too, Callie's arms were around Jack and his bear. Hotch stifled a sob, as he was looking at the peaceful scene. Oh Lord. If you really exist, don´t take her away from us, Hotch thought desperately. Please, don´t take her away.

A/N _Thanks again for reading and following, guys. I appreciate it a lot._


	10. Renee

After Hotch dropped Jack at school the next day, he rang the bell at Jess house. Dave's words didn´t go out of his head, why would Jess not take the chance to be happy with Dave?  
"Aaron? Something wrong with Callie? "  
"No, it's all ok with Callie. I´m worrying about you. Why didn´t you tell me, David wants to marry you? "  
"Dave and me was a long time ago, Aaron. " Jess tried to dodge.  
"That's not true, Jess. Dave loves you, he told me. "  
"Did he also tell you, I rejected his proposal? Haley was my sister, I cannot break my promise towards her, I just can´t."  
"But she never wanted you to be alone, Jess." Hotch put his arm around her.

"Being together with Dave doesn´t mean you can´t take care of Jack anymore. Jack and Dave love each other. Maybe you can take care of him a little less, I´d understand that. We´ll find a solution for this. Jess, you don´t have to sacrifice your own life for Jack and me. You've done so much for us, now do something for you. "  
" I do not know Aaron. "

"You don´t know, Jessica? What? Whether you can be happy with Dave? " Hotch grabbed Jess by her upper arms. " Surely you´ll get unhappy without him. I would give anything in the world, Jess. For a life with Callie, to get old with her. To have the chance, to lead our daughter down the aisle or watch Jack´s children play on our front porch, but this is not going to happen. So please, do not throw away your happiness." Hotch said urgently. "Don´t let Foyet win, Jess. He has destroyed so much, this has to stop."

Jess snuggled up to Hotch, "you know, if I didn´t love Dave so much, you´d be the man of my choice, Aaron. I pray for Callie and you, every night. We heard about these wonders Aaron. Haven´t we? Isn´t there something, anyone can do?" Hotch shook his head, " I can make it easier for her, Jess. Nothing more. " Hotch said sadly.

oOo

Ike Malone sat in front of Callie 's CT scans, hoping to find a way to help the young woman.  
"Malone," he grumbled into his phone, after he picked it up.  
" Oops, Grandpa. What´s bugging you?" Renée Malone asked in surprise, that was so not her grandfather.  
"Hello, froglet, I didn´t expect you to call. It must be in the middle of the night, over there in Berlin? "  
Renée laughed merrily, " Somehow I have the feeling that it´s always in the middle of the night. They let the beginners do the night shift´s, you know? Why are you so grumpy, Grandpa?"  
"How good are your neurologists, Renée?"  
"Phew, Prof. Dietrich is one of our best, but he's pretty peculiar, if I may say so. But he is really very good. Why do you ask? Are you reaching your wit's end, can´t imagine that, Grandpa. "  
" You have to do me a favor, froglet," Ike Malone said firmly.

oOo

Renée put herself together and knocked at her Professor´s door.

"WAS?"  
Renée rolled her eyes, that wasn´t going well. Dietrich was known for his somewhat gruff nature and the fact that he treated students and junior doctors like idiots. She was hoping, Dietrich wouldn´t remember, she had been the little klutz, that had locked him in the autopsy fridge. I really haven´t seen him, Renée said half aloud and squared her shoulders.

" Kommen Sie herein, oder wollen Sie da draussen Wurzeln schlagen? "

"Of course not, Professor." Renée walked into his office and Dietrich groaned.  
"Oh, it´s you Malone? Still causing mischief? There are still colleagues, you haven´t locked in autopsy, have you? Wanna say good-bye, before leaving for DC?"

So much for, maybe he forgot about me, Renée thought frustrated. " Uh, yeah. Course I mean , no. I´m gonna stay. Prof. Kleinschmidt has offered me to stay a while longer and I accepted. I feel very comfortable in pediatric psychiatry. I really love working with those kids. "

I can imagine he has offered that, Dietrich thought. The old Casanova Kleinschmidt was after her very adorable butt, like so many of the interns, who all and sundry got a knock back from the cheerful American. Dietrich would also like to welcome Malone to his team, neuro - surgery. He found her very talented, but there was one drawback, Malone was just...clumsy. Not a single day was passing by, without happening any mishap to her. Yesterday, at her lunch break, she was stumbling over her feet in the cafeteria, baptizing her chief resident with potato soup. Not for anything in the world Dietrich wanted her in his OR, but she was an excellent diagnostician and the patient's loved her. In pediatric psychiatry, where she was working at the moment, everyone was full of praise. Dietrich was keeping an eye on her, Renée Malone was the most caring intern, he had seen over the last couple of years. A pure sunshine for everyone.

"What do you want, Dr. Malone? You haven´t got any coffee, so you don´t want to shower me."  
"I 'm not doing these things intentionally, Professor," Renée noted a bit peeved, handed him a USB stick, touched the cactus on the table with her sleeve and swept it to the ground.

"Oh Lord. I´m so sorry Professor!"  
"No, please. Do not touch it, " Dietrich said, afraid to imagine what the girl might do with a cactus. "What's on it? "  
"A patient of my grandfather, Professor. He would like to hear another opinion. "  
Dietrich plugged the stick into his computer, "You´ve already seen it?"  
Renée nodded. " 36 year-old woman, glioblastoma, WHO grade IV occurred little over two years for the first time and was surgically removed. Then chemo and radiation therapy. Seven months ago, it has returned. The images on the right are four weeks old, the left ones from Thursday. "

Dietrich was silent for a while and studied the pictures carefully. "How old did you say? "  
" 36, Professor."  
"Schöne Scheiße," Dietrich said bluntly. "You see this and this here?" Dietrich pointed at two dark points.  
"Metastases" Renée said promptly.

Dietrich nodded. "I hate to say this, but the young woman should arrange her matters and she should not take too much time for it. A family member? "  
"No Professor, but my grandfather is very affected to that case. His patient, Callie Aimes, she just met the guy of her dreams and her boyfriend has already lost a woman, there is also a little boy and ... "  
"It´s just unfair?" Dietrich completed her sentence.  
"Yes, it is," Renée agreed.  
"Sit down, Dr. Malone." Dietrich said. "I stopped about thinking if something is unfair or not. This decision´s were made in a higher place and everything happens for a reason. Maybe we don´t understand this reason, but you have to trust in God. My only criterion is, I can help the patient or not. Must be my only criterion, you understand what I´m tying to say here, Dr. Malone?"  
"I should leave my personal feelings in the locker, after I put on my scrubs?"  
Dietrich smiled briefly, "that's what I wanted to tell you. You are a very compassionate person, Renée. Beware, that might be fatal one day. "

oOo

Jess looked at herself in the mirror, Aaron's tongue-lashing had an effect. She wanted to see Dave. Jess had been banning the thought of having a future with him for so long, she even refused, to think about him often. But the truth was, she loved him. With all her heart. Aaron was so right, she could have with Dave, what would be denied for him and Callie. Children, a future, a love that would last. Jess took off the dress and just threw herself in jeans and shirt, everything else was completely unimportant. "I love you, David Rossi ," Jess said loudly and jumped into her car.

oOo

"And you are quite sure you want to do this? "  
Hotch was checking the fit of her overall again. Callie had been talking to him, like she was talking to a sick horse. She wanted to do this, Hotch wasn´t convinced, she was well enough to jump. But Callie wanted to exploit every good moment she had. She felt ok, today. Okay, in her case it meant, not that much pain as usual. At least, Hotch gave up. If she wanted to jump out of this damn plane, then not alone.

"We want to do this," Callie corrected and climbed into the plane. "I can no longer postpone it, Aaron, You know that. "  
Hotch crawled into the plane behind her and the tandem master smiled. It happened again and again that women had more guts than men, when it came to jump. It took a while until the exit altitude of 3500 m was reached.

"All right, guys! Remember what we told you, nothing can happen here. The free fall lasts about 30-60 seconds, we open the parachute at about 1500 m, the whole operation takes about 10 to 15 minutes. "

Callie and Hotch were latched to their respective partners and gave thumbs up. A moment later they tipped off the plane. Hotch 's heart was racing like crazy, his adrenaline went through the roof and he yelled, like he never did before. All too soon, Pete opened the parachute, Hotch was completely blown away by his feelings, for Hotch it was a whole new experience that turned his entire security thinking upside down. He looked out for Callie, she floated a few meters down to earth, just as gentle, as he did. He heard her laugh, when she landed. She threw herself into his arms, Callie beamed all over her face, her cheeks were slightly flushed and her eyes shone. Hotch wished, this moment would last forever.

oOo

Rossi turned his car into the driveway. Was there sitting someone on his stairs? Dave wondered if he had probably forgotten an appointment, but actually there was nothing on the agenda, except maybe one or two cognac 's on his couch.

Jess? Dave was surprised that was Jess, she started waving and Rossi got out of his car, as quick as possible.  
"Jess? You all right? Has something happened?"  
Jess laughed and said only one word. "Yes!"  
"Yes? " Dave repeated irritated.  
"That would be my answer if you´d ask me again, David."

"Are you sure?"

Jess laughed again, "Ti amo, tesoro. Tia amo molto, Dave. "

He took Jess in his arms, unable to ask the crucial question, but Jess understood anyway. Thank you Aaron, Rossi thought. I do hope, everything will turn out well for you, too.

oOo

Hotch told Callie about Dave and Jess on their way home.  
"So I was right then, Aaron." Callie said. "Jess resets her own life, because of the promise she made. I guess, she and Rossi would be very happy together, do you think, Jess is going to say yes? " she asked.  
"I think so, I am very convincing, love. "  
Callie smiled, " Tell me about it " She kissed him quickly at a red light . "I´ll need a new dress for the wedding, isn´t there a mall near by? "

_A/N By the way, what do you think about_ Renée?


	11. Daisies

"To the mall? Callie, we just jumped out of an airplane, you really want to go shopping? " Hotch asked, worried.  
" I'm fine, Aaron. I really am. I´ve taken enough Vicodin to see blue elephants, I´m almost painless", Callie lied. She could feel from day-to-day, how life she almost left. Wasn´t so much left on her Bucket List. A Harley ride, Hotch wanted to take care of this and a dance at a wedding. She was quite sure, Jess and Dave would do her that favor. And then what? Callie had come up with something special for Jack. Part IV of Ferdinand the Rabbit was supposed to be published as an audio book, like the others, but Callie decided, this time it would be only one single specimen, Callie was reading it in for Jack, at the Moment. That was how she wanted him, to remember her. Callie, who was reading part IV only for him.

Callie didn´t know, how she could it make easier for Hotch. To leave him, was the most terrible thing, she thought. It was so important, he found someone to love again. Callie was afraid, he´d stay alone for the rest of his life. Hotch had so much love to give, that couldn´t be wasted, not under any circumstances.

"We're here, honey. Still sure about shopping?" Hotch pulled Callie from her considerations.  
"Of course. I´m just buying one dress, Aaron. And maybe some matching shoes."

Hotch had to laugh, " I understand that is going to be a shopping spree. " Hotch helped Callie out of the car and linked arms with her. Arm in arm they walked slowly through the mall, Hotch was allowed to carry the bags. They bought a few new things for Jack and Callie talked Hotch into a new outfit, but Callie had to drag him out of the suit department. Finally, they agreed on a khaki - colored pants with a matching shirt. Callie nodded, satisfied, and Hotch kept the new things right on. Only Callie hadn´t found what she was looking for.

"Callie, look," Hotch said suddenly. He stood in front of a bridal shop and pointed at a short halter-neck dress that was embroidered with delicate yellow daisies. Hotch found it perfect for Callie.  
" It's beautiful , Aaron, but only the bride wears white at a wedding. "  
"I still would love to see you in it , Callie . "  
Hotch kissed her tenderly.

The saleswoman at the store had spotted the couple through the shop window.  
"Interested in our daisy dream? It´s a single copy, Miss. What do you wear? A 4, I guess. Would fit like a glove. Why don´t you try it on?" Mona Smith invited Hotch and Callie into the store. "Actually, the groom should not see the bride in her wedding dress," Mona smiled.  
"We´re not afraid of that disaster stuff, we already got one," Hotch said flatly.

"No Aaron, don´t ," Callie whispered softly, placing her hand on his arm.  
"I would love to try it on.""  
"Good decision, Miss. By the way, I´m Mona." informed the employee and pulled the dress out of the shop window. A strange couple, she thought. There wasn´t exuberant joy, like she was used to, there was some kind of grief and sadness. Mona decided, this was the saddest bride and groom she had ever seen.  
"The original bride has changed her mind on very short notice. We had many interested lady's, but honestly, I think the dress has been waiting for you. " Mona went with Callie in the changing area.

As Callie a few minutes later reappeared in front of Hotch, he could not say anything at first. Mona endowed Callie also with the matching shoes, her hair was decorated with a small wreath.

"Oh God, Callie. You look so beautiful, love." Hotch pulled Callie close, he found it so incredibly hard to keep composure, Hotch was about to cry, the pain was almost overpowering.  
"We'll take it , Mona. " Hotch said softly. None other than Callie would ever wear this dress. Nobody. Never.

oOo

Dave held Jess firmly embraced. "I almost lost hope, Jessy. " Dave said and kissed her. Jess patted Rossi's chest.  
" Aaron was appealing to my conscience. He's right, Dave. I have been so stupid, Aaron wants to live with Callie so much and I just wanted to throw away my life with you. I love you, David. For so long and we should get married as soon as possible, I want Callie as my bridesmaid, Dave. "

"That 's what I thought, Jess ," Rossi said with a small smile. He could hardly believe that she was finally with him. When they split up, Rossi´s world almost crushed. As much as he understood why Jess refused his request, as much he wanted to shake her, to make clear, what she was about to give up. His thoughts wandered to Hotch and Callie. Hotch was like a drowning man, clinging to every scrap of happiness and time they could spend together. Dave wasn´t sure, whether it was really such a good idea, to exemplify him something he could not have?

oOo

"No, Aaron, I can´t," Callie sobbed softly, "it wouldn´t make any sense, love. Only more pain. "  
They sat on Callie's roof, in the beach chair , Aaron's favorite place. Hotch had put his arms around her.  
" I don´t care whether it makes sense or not, Callie. The moment I saw you in that dress, it was quite clear to me. I want you to be my wife, Callie. I know, I´m not buying any time with this, but it does make a difference for me. In here." Hotch put Callie´s hand on his chest, she felt Hotch´s heartbeat. Regularly and strong.

"I jumped out of the damn airplane with you, you owe me something, Cal." Hotch said with a tiny smile.  
"Oh, Aaron. I wish I had met you sooner. Where have you been? "  
Hotch sighed, "I don´t know, if I would have been ready for you. I dunno know if I even had seen you. I was so busy and tangled up in my grief, I barely remember the last 2 years. Jess is the best example for this. "

Callie looked seriously at Hotch. "I want to be your wife , Aaron. But I want you to promise me something. "  
"You don´t want me to stay alone? " Hotch asked and Callie nodded.  
"I want you to fall in love again, Aaron. Let your heart speak, don´t close all up again. I want you to live, find yourself someone new. Jack needs a Mum and you need someone who loves you. I know, she´s out there. Waiting just for you. Have a couple of kid´s with her. Jack needs siblings and you are such a great father. And if you don´t want to go back to your job, don´t do it. Your pictures are good, Hotch. With a bit more background knowledge and practice you can make something of it , try yourself out , Aaron. Promise me. "  
"I promise, Callie ," Aaron said softly and kissed her.

You'd find Saturday too precipitously? " Callie asked and Hotch had to laugh.

"Saturday is just right. "

oOo

In the afternoon Hotch drove to school to pick Jack up. He looked forward to the wedding, it was like a statement, we do not give up. He parked the car and walked towards the entrance. On the bench on the lawn sat an elderly lady who was very pale and exhausted.  
"Ma'am ? Are you all right ? "Hotch asked, she looked vaguely familiar to him, he thought he might have seen her before on a parents' evening.  
"It would be nice if everything was fine, young man. "  
Hotch just smiled, "Thank you for calling me 'young man ', but 50 is just around the corner."  
He sat down beside her. " Waiting for someone?" he wanted to know.  
"For my granddaughter, Rebecca . She is six. "  
"I think she's Jack´s classmate. I'm Aaron Hotchner, Jack's father. "  
The woman smiled, "Jack, such a good and caring boy. He shares his lunch with Becca, when she is sad. And she often is. I'm Abby Jensen. "

"How is Becca 's father, if I may ask? "  
Abby looked surprised, "You know about it?"  
Hotch nodded, " Jack told me, Becca 's Dad has to go away and Becca can´t ...I just know, how that feels." Hotch hesitated.

Abby put her hand on his. "It's only bad for us who remain, Mr. Hotchner. You know, I was always afraid of losing my son in the war, he is a fighter pilot. But to lose him this way is much worse. "  
Abby Jensen blew her nose, determined. " Rebecca must not see me like this. " she said.

"There is this new climbing crag in Arlington. My fiancée and I wanted to check it out with Jack tomorrow. We can take Becca along. Jack would be happy and maybe Becca get´s a bit distracted. What do you think?" Hotch offered spontaneously.  
Abby smiled, "that´s so kind of you, Mr. Hotchner. We´ll ask her."

"It´s Hotch or Aaron, Mrs. Jensen. Please."

"Abby."

The school bell rang and a flood of screaming and laughing children poured out of the school building. Jack and Becca came together, Jack had taken his girlfriend 's hand .  
" Daddy!"  
Jack jumped a little, it was great, his Daddy wasn´t hunting baddies and picked him up from school everyday. But Jack was missing Callie today.  
"Hello buddy," Hotch said, and hugged him. " And that's probably Becca? " he asked.  
Jack nodded, "Yes Daddy. And this is Becca 's grandma. "  
Hotch smiled, "we already met. I asked your grandma, Becca. Have you ever been to a climbing crag? Wanna come along with Jack, Callie and me? It will be fun, Becca. I promise."  
" Oh please, Becca! " Jack rejoiced and Becca looked to her grandma.

"You can go, Rebecca. Your Dad wouldn´t mind if you had some fun. " Grandma Jensen said.  
"I would like to," Becca whispered and gave Hotch a tiny smile.

Hotch smiled back, well then. A start.

oOo

"Where is Callie? I miss her, Daddy why didn´t she pick me up, too? " Jack asked in the car.

"Callie is tired, Jack. She has to rest a bit. We did so much today, I´m gonna tell you everything, when we´re at home, ok?"

"I don´t want Callie to go away, like Becca 's Dad. " Jack said suddenly. "I know, you told me, Callie has to go, Daddy. But why can´t the good Lord look for another angel? He already has Mummy. Callie has to stay with us." Jack began to cry and Hotch pulled to the side of the road and stopped.

" I don´t want Callie to leave, too Jack. Like Becca and Granny Abby don´t want Becca´s Dad to leave. " Hotch wiped his son´s tears away. " But we do not decide that, Jack. Dear Lord will have his reasons why he wants to have Callie and Becca 's Dad in heaven. " Reasons I 'll never understand, Hotch thought bitterly. He hugged his son tight and stroked his hair. "You´re better now, Jack? "  
Jack snorted. " When I grow up, I want to become a doctor, Daddy. Then no one will have to be an angel. " he said firmly.


	12. Till death

A/N _First of all, thanks to everyone, who is still following. I appreciate it a lot. After this one, there are only three chapters left, so we´re coming close to the end. Then, Merry Christmas to all of you! Hope you´ll enjoy your holiday season, have fun! And maybe, there´s a tiny present for me, one or two reviews?_

Derek's and Emily's phones were beeping simultaneously.  
"From Hotch ," Emily said. " An invitation for Saturday, in Callie´s apartment. There´s going to be a little celebration."  
Derek nodded, " I've also got this text. He´s going to marry her, don´t you think, Em?"  
" So would I," Emily replied and poured Derek some fresh coffee.  
"What would you do? " Spencer intervened and held out his mug to Emily.  
"Marry, Reid. "  
"Whom? You´re not even engaged, Emily." Spencer asked blankly. Interpersonal affairs were unchartered territory for Reid, as always.  
"Hotch and Callie want to get married, we assume." Derek said , "Didn´t you get the text? "  
"Yes, but it 's just a little celebration, it says. And it wouldn´t be logical, I mean, given the circumstances ? "  
"Especially because of the circumstances, Reid. It's like a sign. We´ll celebrate life, even if death is going to win in the end, Reid."  
Emily sniffled. "Sorry " , she fled into the lady's room. Emily closed the cabin door. Oh, how she hated to be weak. Emily Prentiss doesn´t cry and she doesn´t have an affair with one of her colleagues. But this Emily Prentiss, who sat on that toilet seat, did just that.

" Emily? Are you in there?" Derek was a knocking at her door.  
"Go away, this is the lady's room , Morgan!"

" I don´t care, Emily, let me in."

" And if I won´t, you´re kicking the door in?"

Derek laughed shortly , "this door doesn´t need a kick, Em. I just stare her down. So what now? "  
Shortly afterwards there was a clunk. Derek quickly slipped inside and closed the door again behind him.  
"Quite tight in here," he said.  
Emily blew her nose. "Yes, smartass. This loo isn´t meant for groups, Derek. What are you doing here? "  
"I thought you need me. " Morgan answered.  
"I do not need anyone, Derek . "  
" Oh, no? 'That´s why you´re sitting here, crying?"

Derek pulled Emily up and sat down on the lid. Then he placed her on his lap.  
"That's better, " he smiled, " and now let's talk a bit about you and me. What is about to be with us?"  
"I don´t know, if there is even an 'us', Derek."  
"I dream about you, Emily. I don´t dream about my affairs. Never. "

Em smiled briefly.  
"I also dream of you," she admitted and put her arms around his neck.

" Nightmares, I suppose? " Derek grinned and kissed her.  
" Only when I wake up and you're not there anymore. " Emily said a little later, when she was able to breathe again.

oOo

Also Jess and Dave interpreted the text correctly and made their way to Hotch and Callie. Hotch opened with a very worried expression and let them in.  
"I had to call Dr. Malone, it was a bit too much yesterday. I made fresh coffee, sit down please."  
Dave and Jess just looked at each other.

" Hotch, Callie is asking for you. " Ike Malone entered the living room. Hotch nodded.  
" Ike, these are my sister-in-law Jess and my friend Dave Rossi. Help yourself with the coffee. " Hotch went quickly back into the bedroom.

"I think I can´t do this climbing thing today, Aaron. " Callie said softly as Hotch sat down at her.  
He reached for her hand. "That's not so bad, love. You simply gather a little strength for Saturday, what do you think? "  
"I forgot what day it is today, Aaron. "  
" Wednesday, Callie. Today is Wednesday. "

oOo

Ike was talking with Rossi and Jess, meanwhile.  
"And that Prof. Dietrich has said the same thing?" Jess asked.  
"Yes, unfortunately. Actually it was clear to me, but sometimes one hopes things, that are not realistic. I think that's one of the reasons why Callie and Hotch still want to marry. And it is good, they want to do it quickly. "

"I'll go check on them," Jess said and walked towards the bedroom. The bedroom door was ajar.  
"Hey," Jess said and came in, " something I can do for you? Perhaps some tea for Callie? "  
Callie sat up with Hotch 's help and Jess was shocked about how bad the young woman looked at the moment. Callie had a patch over her right eye, Malone explained earlier, that would be because of the double vision, Callie had since this morning.  
"I would like to talk to Jess alone, Aaron ," she said.  
"Sure," Hotch kissed her on the forehead, "but not for so long , Ike said, you need your rest. "

Hotch went back to Dave and Ike into the living room.  
" Girl talk ," he said.  
" How are you? " Rossi wanted to know .  
" I jumped out of a plane yesterday, Dave. And, hell, it was great . Could you imagine that?"  
Dave looked incredulous, " out of a plane ? Aaron, are you kidding me?"

"Oh, no. He isn´t," Ike said. "Callie has persuaded him to do so. Unfortunately, I 'm too old for something like that. " Ike smirked.

oOo

"I've probably already told you, Callie. I 'm so sorry," Jess said softly and hugged Callie warmly.  
"I know Jess. I also wish it was different, but unfortunately it is not. I wanted to ask you, to arrange something for Saturday with me, I might need a little help. "  
"What do you want me to do, Callie?"

"It´s gonna be only be a small celebration, I don´t know how much I still can manage myself. I´m running out of time, Jess."  
Jess was crying silently and grabbed Callie's hand. " What do you want me to do? " she asked again.  
" Ike has a friend, who is Reverend, he will marry us. Outside, on the roof. It has to be decorated a bit and we need a ... What were we just talking about?"  
"About your wedding on Saturday, Callie. " Jess tried to explain.  
" My Wedding? But who would I ... Oh God , of course, Hotch. I'm getting married to Hotch on Sunday. No, on Saturday."

Jess nodded, " that's true, Callie. And you´ll have to worry about nothing, you just have to look pretty, for Hotch. Alright?"

oOo

Jess and Dave decided to stay with Callie while Hotch was picking up Jack and Becca from school. He met Abby Jensen there, who handed him the safety seat for Becca.

"It is a pity, your fiancée cannot be here," Abby said. " I´d really love to meet her."

"I know, Abby. Callie is sorry, but she is having a very bad day. But Jack is looking forward to the trip with Becca, I did not want to disappoint him. Wouldn´t you like to come along? Becca won´t feel alone, finally, she doesn´t know me. Wouldn´t be a problem, if Callie was around, too. But now?"

Mrs. Jensen nodded, " I understand what you mean, Aaron. " A very caring and prudent man, Abby thought and sighed softly. She was worried about the future. One of the reasons why Becca got along so well with Jack was that she had no mother, too . Abby's daughter-in-law had died giving birth to Becca and now Abby´s son Mark was ill too. Abby knew, Mark was going to die and Becca was going to be an orphan. Abby was realistic enough to know, she would not live forever, too. And then what about Becca? Abby 's heart broke when she imagined her beloved granddaughter in a orphanange. Yesterday, there was a glimpse of hope, Abby had the idea to ask the Hotchner couple for being a foster family for Becca, some day. But obviously Callie was just as sick as her son Mark.

"Oh, why not, Aaron. There is nothing on my agenda for today, I hope, you don´t expect me, to climb like a monkey."  
Hotch had to laugh, " certainly not, Abby. " Hotch suddenly became serious.  
"Abby, I got a request. You don´t have to say yes, maybe I´m asking too much."  
" What can I do for you? "  
" Callie and I are getting married on Saturday, a private wedding. Actually, we´d love to have Jack around, but it´s way too much for him to handle. I don´t want him to look at Callie as..." Hotch could not continue talking. Abby took Hotch 's hand.

" You do not want him to look at Callie as his new mother. I do understand you very well. Jack can sleepover on Saturday, that's no problem."  
" Thank you," Hotch said quietly, putting on a smile for Jack and Becca.

It took a while for Becca, to gain enough confidence in Hotch. He was looking so serious, all the time, but then, he started to make fun with Jack and her, he suddenly looked so different. Finally, she dared like Jack, to climb the child-friendly, small climbing wall.  
" I cannot go on, Uncle Hotch ," Becca said, looking down.  
"Sure you can, sweetie. Look on your right, Becca. Yes, exactly, well done. You´ll make it." Hotch gave a hint, the little girl was a bit unsure , but with Hotch 's help and Jack's cheers she made it to the very top. Hotch let her down the two and a half meters very gently. Becca was smiling proudly, getting downwards. Jack was jumping excitedly, rock climbing was great. There was also a large wooden fort and a chain bridge, ideal for fun and games. And Becca and Jack had a lot of fun, this afternoon.

"Thank you, for taking Becca with you." Mrs. Jensen said, while she and Hotch had a coffee. "I am far too old for this. Mark, my son, he always did these things with Rebecca. Horse riding, camping and all that stuff. Becca has become so quiet, Aaron. "  
"Children should not have to experience the death of their parents," Hotch agreed quietly .

oOo

Callie´s apartment, meanwhile, looked a bit like a bee hive. Jess had sent Dave to raise a caterer, who was getting the job done, last-minute and then called Garcia, who appeared with JJ in tow. Emily apologized, she had to settle something urgent. Garcia suspected that it was related to her chocolate bunny, who was very tight-lipped regarding Emily . What Garcia surprised a lot , but that would come to light, it always does.  
The guest list wasn´t very long. The team, Garcia, Will, Jess, Ike Malone and Ken Baker, Callie´s publisher, lawyer and friend from New York. Garcia would take care of the decoration , the other ladies were responsible for the salads and dessert. For the men it was unanimously decided to draw them to ' lower ' tasks, like schlepping extra tables and to move some furniture. Callie felt better with the other women around, the light chatting and the laughter. It was clearing her mind off. It was good to think for a while to plan a normal wedding.  
"I'm on it," JJ offered when the doorbell rang .  
"I hope it 's not all good job 's are gone," Emily grinned, armed with pizza boxes, she finally mad it.

"We still need someone to take care of the drinks, Emily", Callie said, opening one of the boxes.  
" But then you'd have to borrow me Rossi , Jess. That's our wine specialist. " Prentiss grin became a bit wider and Jess blushed, " the BAU is like a tabloid newspapers, everyone knows everything about everyone. You can have my Dave, but only exceptionally, Emily."

oOo

Hotch and Jack heard the merry laughter of the women already at the door.  
"I think Callie´s got some visitors, Jack. " He unlocked the door and Jack rushed immediately to Callie .  
"I missed you soooo much, today," he said, jumping to her on the couch.  
"I missed you too, sweetheart. " Callie hugged Jack lovingly.  
"Are you a pirate today, Callie? " Jack asked curiously and carefully touched her eye patch.  
" Guess so, Jack. You think, I look dangerous?"  
Jack shook his head, " looks cool , Callie. Hi Aunty JJ. " Jack made his turn, hugging his nominal aunts and took a closer look at the pizza boxes.  
"I also got one with extra cheese , Jack," Emily pulled the bottom box out and Jack laughed happily.  
"But first we´re washing your hands, Jack," Hotch said and Jack disappeared like a flash of lightning into the bathroom.

"Sounded like you´re having fun, love," Hotch kissed Callie quickly.  
Callie nodded, " it's all set up for Saturday, Aaron. "

"Yes, and that's why we´ll go now and leave you lovebirds alone. We stay in touch, Callie. Ok? " Garcia said and squeezed Callie shortly. JJ and Emily said good-bye too and so Hotch and Callie were alone with Jack and Jess.

"Dave is picking you up?" Hotch asked harmless and earned a small nudge from Jess.  
"Yes, dear brother-in-law, Dave picks me up in a few minutes." Jess laughed. "I've already said thank you, right?"  
"You don´t have to, Jess. Get happy, that's all that's important."


	13. Do us

The rest of the week flew by. Quite obviously also serial killer´s had something like ' silly season ' and the team was able to stay in Quantico . Much to the delight of Derek, who mustered all of his available charms to finally win Emily. He got a tip from Garcia, who told him, Emily liked piano music , so Derek organized tickets for a guest appearance of a famous pianist on Thursday .  
On Friday there was a gallery opening and a visit to a new and very hip Italian restaurant on his agenda. Morgan quickly parked the car and rang impatiently at his colleague´s door, but colleague? That wasn´t right, Emily had become so much more for him. Derek tugged at his tie. He always felt uncomfortable in a suit, differently than Hotch, who looked like he had imbibed wearing suits with breast milk. Emily opened in a red, very tight-fitting silk dress and her hair pinned up. Her high heels and her lipstick matched the color of her dress. Derek was just speechless.  
"Oh wow, I have to picture that, Derek Morgan is speechless," Emily stepped aside from the door. " I just need my scarf and my clutch. " she said.  
" You're beautiful , Em " Derek managed to say when Emily came back.  
"Thank you, Derek. Shall we? "

The gallery appeared to be some kind of yuppie hangout, a clique, who shared their pseudo - art knowledge with anyone who would listen, or even not . After some time, Emily and Derek were joking around, entangling the ' connoisseur´s ' into absurd discussions until they were discreetly asked to leave. Still laughing, the two of them stood in front of the gallery. Derek could not resist and kissed Emily, she just looked too nice.

" You´re going out on a limb here, Morgan. We´re in public. "

" Hm, I don´t believe, this is Strauss favorite place to be. So we´re safe here." Derek grinned. It was funny how naturally it felt to kiss Emily, Derek thought in surprise. When he did it the first time, it happened on a whim , but the more time they spent together, the more feelings Derek developed. He, who otherwise was chasing every girl with nice legs and tried to keep it as simple as possible, had lost his heart to Emily Prentiss. He did not know whether she wanted it at all. So passionate, violently and physically their love-making was, Emily withdrew again into her shell when she seemed to have the feeling, he was too close to her. Derek made a mental note, to figure out why this was this way.

oOo

Callie woke up on Saturday morning before Hotch. He had his arms wrapped tightly around her and snuggled against her back. Callie felt his calm, warm breath on her neck. She felt safe with him, safe and secure. She was pain-free, this morning, thanks to the increased dose of morphine, Aaron had to inject her that night. The Vicodin was now almost ineffective.  
Hotch breathed her a kiss on her neck. "Hello," he whispered in her ear.  
Callie laughed softly, " Hello yourself ," she turned to him and ruffled his hair. " I don´t see you double today, what a pity ," she smiled.

"Not at all, sweetheart. It just means, you´ll pick the right guy this evening." Hotch kissed her lovingly. Today was her wedding day. Hotch repressed any other thoughts, just today was important, nothing else. A 'tomorrow' did not exist.  
Callie let her hands wander, she wanted to feel Aaron close, as long as she felt good, she didn´t know, for how long that was.  
"This will be a long day today, Callie, maybe you should you prefer to rest ," Hotch said carefully and moaned softly, Callie became very offensive.  
"I thought you could do all the work and I could sit back a bit ," Callie smiled ambiguously and intricate Hotch into a passionate kiss.

oOo

Reid had got a quite easy job that day. He had to pick up Ken Baker, Callie´s publisher and lawyer from the airport. The plane from New York was delayed, as the display told kindly. Spencer wasn´t keen on waiting, but the alternative would have been to come up with Garcia to take care of the decoration and decoration wasn´t Spencer´s area at all. So he sat down in the waiting area, cross-reading two books at the same time.  
An hour later, Spencer was approached by a guy.

"Hi, I 'm sure you´re waiting for me. Kenneth Baker from NY. " The tall, dark-haired man looked at Spencer from top to bottom. Young , lanky, a little insecure and incredibly sweet. Ken Baker put on a seductive smile. The reason for his visit was sad enough, perhaps this pretty one could cheer his mood a bit.  
" Um, yeah. I'm Dr. Reid, Mr. Baker. "

" Ken, please. Do you also have a first name or may I call you ' Doctor' ? "  
"Um, actually it's Dr. Dr. Dr. Reid " Spencer replied, turning red. Could this guy probably stop looking at him this way? Kenneth´s smile grew a little wider. That was going to nice, he thought.

oOo

" Good morning, buddy," Hotch stroked Jack 's hair .  
"It's morning, already? " Jack muttered sleepily.  
" Yeah, it is, Jack. It 's almost nine, we want to have breakfast, before I drop you at Becca´s. Callie has already made cocoa. "  
" With cream on it ? " Jack asked and Hotch nodded. " Then I´ll hurry up!" Jack said, and darted into the kitchen to Callie.  
"Morning Callie ! " Jack screamed and hugged her violently.  
" Hello darling ," Callie squeezed Jack firmly and then put him on a chair. "I've cocoa made for you, Jack. "  
Jack nodded enthusiastically, " you must also drink cocoa, then we´re all gonna have a chocolate beard. "  
Callie laughed, " Your dad certainly looks funny, with chocolate beard. "  
Hotch came into the kitchen, " why would I look funny? "  
"Because of a chocolate beard," Jack and Callie said simultaneously.

oOo

After breakfast Hotch drove to Abby and Becca Jensen, to drop Jack. Abby opened pleased.  
" Hello Jack , hello Aaron. Becca is in her room, you know where that is, don´t you, Jack? "  
" Yes , Mrs. Jensen," Jack raced up the stairs and Hotch handed Abby Jack's overnight bag.  
"I have to thank you again, Abby. I know, it hard for you, handling one kid, now you´ll handle two." Abby led Hotch into the living room and offered him some coffee.  
"It 's all right, Aaron. It´s just my hip, that hurts sometimes. Jack and Becca are such nice kid´s and they don´t cause any trouble. I understand very well why you don´t want Jack to be at home today. I guess, he would not understand. "  
Hotch took a sip . "Do you understand, Abby? "  
Abby smiled, " I 'm just an old woman, Aaron. But I remember very well how it is like, to love someone. Callie and you do the right thing. Don´t you doubt it, Aaron, memories can´t be taken away."  
" I don´t have doubts, Abby," Hotch said, "I 'm afraid of what will happen, when Callie is no longer with us. I´m scared like hell, Abby."

oOo

Spencer was glad when finally delivered his passenger at Callie´s. Kenneth Baker flirted at him, Spencer was sure about that. And it felt...Spencer didn´t know how that felt. Lack of experience. Reid had imagination enough to know what kind of interest Kenneth Baker had in him. I should feel flattered, Spencer thought uncertain, Baker was an exceptionally attractive man. Muscular, tall, angular face, his dark hair he wore longer. A lovely smile and a lot of humor. One like him caused women to gasp, Reid was sure. Somehow a pity for the women, Spencer thought.

If Ken Baker was shocked when Callie opened the door, he didn´t show it. She had become incredibly thin and looked so tired and worn out, worse than after her first chemo two years ago.  
"What the hell are you doing, sweet plum?" Ken hugged Callie warmly and for the first time he was really aware, his favorite girl and author was going to die.  
"I am dying, Kenny." Callie replied Ken's embrace. "I 'm so glad you 're here. "  
Spencer was standing in the doorway, feeling a little uncomfortable until he got a shove from behind.  
"This fits so well, sweet pie, I really need your help with the decoration," Garcia laughed, she was armed with a large cardboard box .  
"Hi Callie and Hi ... oh good Lord! Spencer pinch me, is he real?" Garcia started gasping, like Reid supposed earlier.  
" Kenneth Baker, at your service ," Ken chuckled and took Penelope´s box.  
" Where do you want me to put it, beautiful woman? "  
" I- in my apartment , more specifically, into my bedroom. " Pen took a deep breath and Callie had to laugh. Ken had a similar effect on her, when she saw him the first time. The fact that Ken was, however, inclined to his own sex, did not diminish their mutual sympathy, on the contrary.

While Penelope and a very reluctant Spencer Reid took care of the decoration of the roof terrace, Callie and Ken talked about business.

"I changed it the way you wanted it, love." Ken said with tears in his eyes. "I'm so mad at you, why didn´t you tell me? I was with you the first time, I would have done it again. "  
Callie grabbed Ken's hand. "I know that , but I didn´t want to put that weight on you again. And it´s different, this time." Callie started to cry. "It won´t be long, Ken, I´m so scared. And I´m so worried about Aaron. He tries to hide it, but I ...He cries at night, when he thinks I´m sleeping."

"We´ll all watch out for him, Cal. I promise." Kenneth held her close, there was nothing else he could do.  
He never had written so reluctantly a last will, as this time. He didn´t want Callie to die. He knew her for quite a long time, she had been there for him, when his partner had died in a sailing accident. Losing her now seemed so unreal and so unfair. Callie wanted several changes, the majority of her not inconsiderable assets flowed into her foundation, she had already established during the first outbreak of her disease. Callie named Kenneth Baker und Ike Malone as administrators and patrons. Hotch would get the apartment, he should have to not give up his favorite place in the beach basket. In addition, a large block of shares. Callie decided for Jack, to give him the sole rights of 'Ferdinand, the purple eared rabbit' , Hotch was going to manage them for Jack, until he was 21.

oOo

Hotch still led a long, very intense conversation with Abby Jensen. She told him of the fears that plagued her, in terms of Becca. Hotch talked about Haley and Jack and how hard it had been, after her death, for him and Jack. He wanted to take a quick look in Becca´s room, before he left, but Jack and Becca persuaded him to a few rounds of some card game. Callie is right, Hotch thought, as he looked at Rebecca and his son. Jack needed siblings, he took great care of Becca and the little girl blossomed formally in Jack's company. Hotch could understand Abby's worries about what would become of the little one, even if her grandmother was no longer there.

oOo

When Hotch arrived at home again, it was finally 3 p.m. Callie's apartment was like a dovecote.  
The large sofa had been moved to one side and the dining table had found its way into the living room, joining another table, Hotch identified it as on of Rossi´s. Morgan lamented loudly about the alleged herniated disc, which he had contracted by moving the furniture. He was working as a profiler, and he was working mostly with his head, not with his muscles. A comment that made Emily fall into a laughing flash and also animated some others to giggle.

"Hello groom ," Jess smiled and hugged Hotch shortly. " Callie is sleeping. We take care of everything, yet sit down by her. "  
Hotch nodded, "thank you, Jess. "

oOo

"So, Dr. Dr. Dr. Reid, why don´t you tell me something about yourself? " Ken Baker handed Spencer a glass of white wine and sat down with him in the beach basket.  
"Um...There is not so much to tell about me, Mr. Baker. "  
"Didn´t we agree on Ken?" Baker asked with a grin. "And the very lovely Miss Garcia has told me, your first name is Spencer. French / Norman origin, originally a job title ... "  
"Distributor of inventories, translated very freely ," interrupted Spencer.

"Kenneth, first king of the Scots, 9th century. Coinneach originally, Kenneth is the Anglicized form. " Spencer sipped his wine.  
" Touchè . And I thought I could impress you a little, Spencer. "  
" Why would you want that? "  
"Maybe I am impressed by you , Spencer. Couldn´t this be possible?"  
Reid just laughed, " not likely. "  
" Hm," Baker smiled briefly and lifted the cushion on his side. "It must be around here somewhere? "  
"What? " Spencer asked irritated.  
" Your self-confidence, Dr. Dr. Dr. Reid. " Spencer turned red, he could not imagine, why this man took notice of him. Spencer always felt like the ugly duckling, but now, the little duck was courted by Prince Charming.

oOo

"Hey, baby girl. What 's going on with Spencer and the good-looking tall one?" Morgan shoved Garcia a bit. He was very interested in observing the events on the rooftop.

" Oh, our genius is just expanding his horizons ," Pen grinned. "I would tell you a little more, if you´re gonna tell me a bit more about you and the beautiful dark-haired girl at the fridge." Garcia jerked her head towards Emily.  
" Nice try, pumpkin," Derek kissed her on the forehead and helped Rossi with the wine.

At 4.30 everything was addressed so far. The wedding ceremony was to take place by 7 p.m., so Garcia's lights and candles came to advantage on the terrace.  
Jess very carefully opened the bedroom door. " Hotch? You´re asleep?", she asked quietly .  
"Yes he is," Callie replied instead. She stood up carefully and went to Jess into the hallway.  
"All right. Your fridge is stacked, the roof and the living room is decorated like crazy. The caterer with the roast is scheduled for 6 p.m. We´re gonna leave now and get changed. I´ll be back soon enough, to dress you up, ok?"

"Thank you, Jess. I do not know what we would have done without you." Callie hugged Jess , "I always regretted being an only child, Jess. I wish, I had a sister like you."  
Jess sniffled, "don´t, Callie. I managed the whole day, not to cry. I don´t wanna start now."

_A/N I don´t kow, how familiar you are with the beach basket I´m referring to. I do hope, this link works out. And of course, a happy new year to all of you!_

wiki/Strandkorb


	14. Part

Jess was crying in the car. "I 'm so angry, David ," she sobbed. "Hotch and Callie are made for each other. It's just not fair."  
Rossi nodded, " I know Jessy. Everytime we arrive at a crime scene and take a look at the innocent victim, I´m asking myself, what´s the point in that? But it doesn´t help, to search frantically for a meaning. "  
"You mean, sometimes you just have to accept it? "  
"I'm afraid, Jess. Yes." Dave agreed. "And I guess, it´s good thing, we´re going to wait with our wedding. It would be too much for Callie. But Hotch keeps up quite well. "  
"No, Dave, he doesn´t." Jess replied. " He hides it very well, he always does. I know Hotch. For a long time and know how he feels right now. And I 'm still not sure how he will take it. "

oOo

"Here you are," Hotch said. He was looking for Callie and found her on the roof.  
"Penny did a beautiful job, don´t you think? "

Hotch put his arms around her. "Garcia has loads of talents. ", he said.  
They stood for a while, looking over the rooftops of Washington.  
"I really love this view, Callie. Did you buy it because of the view?"

" Yes. I had already seen 10 apartments and another 10 in front of me. This was a skeleton construction work. The real estate agent didn´t wanna show it, but I insisted. And I loved it, Aaron. Everything in this apartment is my idea and the walls in my bedroom and the study is only drywall. I wanted it to be big enough to live with my family there, sometime. But this won´t happen, I´m afraid."  
" Callie," Hotch was barely audible, " I don´t know how to be without you, love." He buried his face in her curls. Callie felt Aaron crying and trembling. She hugged him as hard as she could. Someone has to take care of him, Callie thought desperately, I need to know, he survives this and is going to be happy again.

oOo

A little later, Ike Malone and his friend, the Reverend arrived.  
"Callie, Aaron , that's Lionel Kincaide. We know each other since forever, he will perform the ceremony. "  
" I immediately said yes, when Ike asked me. ", the Reverend said. "You´re doing a very brave thing here. I wish I could do a bit more for you, than just marry you. Have you got a marriage vow, something you wanna say?"

Callie nodded, " I want to say something, I have not prepared anything, but I want to say something. "  
"Me too," Hotch confirmed. " We still have time, would you like something to drink, maybe a glass of wine ? "  
"Gladly Sir, unfortunately I 'm not averse to worldly pleasures, Mr. Hotchner." Hotch smiled briefly, the Reverend reminded him a little of Friar Tuck.

oOo

Ike accompanied Callie into the bedroom. "How are you? No diplopia and no pain? "  
Callie shook her head , " no, Ike. , But I 'm so tired and the Vicodin does not help anymore. Tonight we had to increase the morphine dose. I'm not sure how much longer I can hold on, Ike. "  
Malone stroked her cheek . "I know, child. ", he said.  
"I 'm afraid for Aaron, Ike. I would like to talk to Renée. "  
"To Renée? But she is in Berlin, Callie. For another year."  
Ike did not understand immediately what Callie wanted. They talked sometimes about Renée, about what kind of girl she was. Callie laughed always warmly when he told little anecdotes about her, Callie liked her, even though she didn´t know her in person. Ike had shown a photo of her, Renée was a pretty young woman with brown hair and brown eyes. She was looking like a warm, loving woman. Like someone, to whom she could confide Aaron and Jack.  
" Oh, Callie, this won´t work ," Ike said, the penny had dropped.  
"Why not? You think, she won´t like Aaron?"  
" That's not it, though. Matchmaking two complete strangers? That would be a miracle."  
"God owes me a miracle, Ike ," Callie said firmly .

oOo

Meanwhile, Callie 's apartment was filled again. The caterer came with the food and then gradually all guests arrived.  
"And you need to be Aaron Hotchner? I 'm Ken Baker. Callie´s publisher and lawyer. And close friend. "  
Hotch reached out his hand, " of course . Callie has spoken of you. But please, do come in. It's a little chaotic here at the moment. "  
Baker laughed, " that doesn´t matter. Callie can use hustle and bustle, it distracts her somewhat. And us, too." Ken added. " Callie said, you were a lawyer, too? "  
"That's right , I started as a prosecutor before I went to the FBI. But your career change seems a bit drastic to me . "  
" A long story, Aaron. I'll stay a few days in DC. We still have a chance to talk. "

Jess and JJ knocked at the bedroom door. "We want to take care of the bride ," Jess said.  
"Then men are now undesirable, I understand ," Ike smiled and got out to see if he could somehow help Hotch.

" Great Lord, Dave. Would you stop fumbling around at me? " Aaron grumbled and fumbled himself nervously at his fly. The men had decided in consultation for tuxedos, the women wore short , pale yellow dresses that fit Callie 's daisies dream. Garcia had this idea after she had a look at Callie 's wedding dress.

oOo

Hotch and the Reverend stood at the fringe of the roof. In the absence of yellow daisies Emily and Penelope had decorated the metal balustrade with white satin and yellow gerbera. The short distance from the door to the parapet was now a sea of yellow and white petals, Callie had to walk over.

Callie put her hand to her mouth as she throw the first look at it. The roof terrace was lit with candles and colorful paper lanterns in the background the sun went down. The candles and the lanterns had indeed previously been there, the carpet of flowers and decorated parapet had just emerged.

Penny sobbed loudly as Derek turned on some music.

' _She's got a way'_ by Billy Joel, Hotch chose it .

Hotch held his breath when Ike leaded Callie to him. The dress she wore, couldn´t have been chosen better. It was really made for Callie. The daisies were as arbitrary embroidered on the dress and the slight A - line laminated a little, how thin Callie had become. But she shone from within, and her eyes had a warm glow. She would never look more beautiful than at that moment , Hotch thought and resolved, never to forget this image. She wore no veil to her dress, she had only a hairband, that tamed her short curls. On one side a yellow white flower was adorned.

oOo

"We have gathered together, because two people have made a decision. " Rev. Kincaide began when Ike had given the bride to Hotch.  
" A decision that may perhaps be incomprehensible to some, but for Aaron and Callie this doesn´t matter today . They have found themselves in a stormy time in which we´re all just looking for the one thing, love. Love is the most important thing, two people can experience together, and we don´t choose the person, we fall in love with, we just do. Callie and Aaron would like to say a few words. Please, Callie. "

" Aaron. Actually, it should be easy for me as a writer to find the words , but ... but at the moment I´m running out of words. All I can say is, I love you. And I thank You so much, Aaron, for walking this way with me, even if it breaks you heart. Forgive me sometime, Aaron. "

"There is nothing, I have to forgive you, Callie. You have been the light when it was dark and the warmth, when it was so cold. For that I love You, Callie. And for being strong when I´m not and for making me laugh when all I want to do is cry. You will always have a special place in my heart, Kayleigh."

"So I ask you now, Kayleigh and Aaron. Do you want to be married to each other? Will you love and honor each other, in wealth and in poverty? You will take the good days as well as the bad days? Then I want you to say, _Yes, I do_."

"Yes, I do," Hotch and Callie answered in unison.

Rossi handed Hotch the rings.

"Then now exchange the rings. _With this ring, I take you for my wife_. "

" With this ring, I take you for my wife," Hotch repeated and put the ring on Callie´s finger.

" _With this ring, I take you to my husband_."

" With this ring, I take you to my husband."

Callie also repeated the words of the Reverend, she trembled slightly as she put the plain gold band on Hotch´s finger.

Spencer was crying silently, actually he was not so emotional , but at the moment every dam broke, probably because sobbing and crying was heard throughout the ceremony. Ken handed him a tissue and put a hand on his shoulder. Reid just accepted it.

Reverend Kincaide took a deep breath , " your love shalt be like these rings, no beginning and no end. I hereby pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your wife now, Aaron." What Hotch extensively did.

Emily leaned close to Derek , he had his arm around her. At the moment he felt no walls, Emily built, whenever they were close. He wiped away her tears and Emily smiled. "Thank you, Derek. " she whispered.

"All right, we all cried enough , it is time to celebrate a little bit," Callie said, sniffling , "weddings are in fact intended for celebration. The buffet is open, help yourself, I don´t want anything to be left. We got no seating arrangements, make yourself comfortable. "

" First, there are some congratulations in order, Mr. and Mrs. Hotchner ," Dave interjected and made the beginning. He embraced Callie and then Hotch. It was a silent embrace, Dave did not know what he could say. Actually no one knew and they expressed their love and support simply with their hugs.

The party was organized in a short time , however, no one noticed. The small cold buffet was excellent, the wine that Rossi had picked, found a ready market and JJ took the part of the photographer this evening.  
It was the perfect evening, when Callie and Hotch completed their wedding dance on the roof.

This song Callie had picked, she decided for Leonard Cohen, _'Dance me to the end of love'_ .

"It's so terribly sad, Will." Will held JJ in his arms, swaying with her in time to the music. Like all the others they looked at Callie and Hotch, who were just miles away from home and lived this moment like it was their last.

oOo

Can I drop you off somewhere, Spencer? " Ken Baker asked and kept the cab door open. "We could also take a little nightcap? You know the area, what can you recommend?"  
"You never give up, don´t you, Mr. Baker? "  
Ken laughed, "in my lawyer-days they called me 'Terrier', Dr. Dr. Dr. Reid. What I can´t have, excites me. So if you want to draw my interest in you in another direction , then we should have a drink together. "  
"Sounds logical to me," Spencer said. " There is a bar in Georgetown, Morgan is trying for weeks, to drag me there. Supposedly the cocktails there are murderous. Whereby I don´t understand how a cocktail might be suicidal? Unless someone had poisoned it or someone would be allergic to alcohol. "  
Kenneth smiled, "Just get into the cab, Spencer. I think, I can explain to you, how your colleague has meant that."

oOo

Emily and Derek walked hand in hand through the nightly Washington. "Don´t you finally wanna tell me, what´s going on inside your pretty head, Emmy? You mean a lot to me, why can´t you just tell me?" Derek tightened his grip. " Does it have something to do with Ian Doyle? "  
Emily took a deep breath , "in some ways, Derek . Do you remember Clyde Easter? "  
"Gosh! Don´t tell me, you´re in love with that tea-pot?"

Emily giggled, "Of course not, goof. But since I 'm back, I do not know. I expected, everything would be like before, after my 'death.' But I was wrong, Derek. I feel like on the go and that's not fair towards you. Easter has offered me the London office some time ago. I kept him on hold, but he needs an answer. As soon as possible."  
"You wanna leave? " Derek asked tonelessly, had the whole world gone mad at once? Hotch on a self discovery trip and now Emily, who wanted to throw in the towel? What was next? JJ getting pregnant?  
"Derek, I'll stay until Hotch is back, but then ... I 'm going to London, no matter what. It wasn´t easy, but it´s the right thing to do. I know."

oOo

Ike was the last person who said goodbye. "She is sleeping safe and sound, I set the dosage a bit higher."  
"Thank you, Ike. For everything. I know, it´s not usual, what you´re doing for us here."  
Ike shook his head, " that's not necessary, Hotch. You and Callie, you have become for me, if I may say so, like family. "  
Hotch sat down with Ike on the couch. " I didn´t have a good relationship to my father. He was a very violent man, Ike. I would have given much for a father like you. And I'm serious. "  
Ike was embarrassed by Hotch 's words. Maybe Callie 's idea was not so crazy. Hotch would win Renee's heart by storm, he knew his little froglet. And Aaron would be the best thing that could happen to her .

"There's something I wanted to give you," Ike said and handed Hotch a key.  
"I´ve got a little house, down at Sandbridge Beach. The main holiday season is over, you´d be relatively undisturbed. My beloved wife and I had our Honeymoon in that house, also had my son and and my daughter-in-law. It´s just beautiful there."  
Hotch took the key carefully, "we should go soon, I guess? "

"Yes, you should, son. It isn´t much time left, Aaron. "  
Hotch nodded, " as if I did not know that , Ike. It does hurt, Ike. It hurt´s so much."

oOo

A few days later was more than clear that Ike had been right with his forecasts. Callie had mobilized all forces once again for the wedding, now she was getting worse. Hotch and she spent a lot of time in the park, when she was strong enough, or they made it to the rooftop terrace. They talked a lot , or just rested in each others arms.  
" Jack's class teacher approached me, Callie. Has asked me, if you want to do a small reading of Ferdinand´s latest adventure. " Hotch fluffed up Callie 's blanket on the couch and sat down beside her .  
"In Jack's school? Oh, that's a nice idea, Aaron . It does not have to be long or detailed, but I would really love to do that. " Callie smiled. "In the past I've done this very often . Kids are so honest, direct audience. Don´t you look so worried, I´m not dead, yet. " She kissed Hotch . "I think it would also be very nice for Jack . "

The reading, a few days later, ran smoothly. Once or twice, Callie lost track, then Hotch carried on. Jack sat with Becca in the front row and looked proudly to Callie and his dad . The small talk with the other parents and teachers Hotch and Callie held very short, it would have become too much. Callie, however, insisted to answer any questions, the kids had .

At Jack's Soccer Tournament, four weeks later Hotch had to carry her in a wheelchair, Callie was just too weak. But she wanted with absolutely to cheer Jack . Hotch could not and would not talk her out of that.  
" Referee, you whistle! That was offside ," Callie yelled and Hotch smiled at her enthusiasm. How I´m going to miss that and how I gonna miss her, Hotch thought. Hotch could not breathe, his heart gave a wild beat.  
Abby Jensen, who had come along to cheer Becca noticed Aaron's mood immediately. " Whether you could probably get me a soda, Aaron ? " she asked, giving him a chance to leave and recollect himself.  
"Of course, Abby. I 'll be right back, honey," he said , turning to Callie.  
" He does not want me to see, he´s crying," Callie whispered after Hotch was gone and looked at Abby .  
"You shouldn´t worry, Callie. I 'm sure he means well. "  
" That's what he does. I don´t know what to say to Jack, Abby. I must talk to him, soon. "  
"You will tell him the right thing, Callie, for sure. " Abby took Callie 's hand. "I will think of you, my dear. Absolutely. " Abby was aware that she would never see the young woman again.

Jack rushed up to Callie after the game, "Did you see how I scored the goal, Callie ? "  
"Yeah Jack , you've done great, come here. " Jack sat on her lap and pressed himself against her. "I love you , Callie. But you have to go away soon , right?"  
" Yes Jack. I have to visit your Mom, do you remember? "  
Jack nodded, " You really cannot stick around? "  
"No, sweetheart. But I can tell your mom she isn´t forgotten and you still love her, ok? "  
"Okay ," Jack said softly.  
" Now go with Becca. Pic your trophy. Your dad comes right back and he wants to take some pictures, I´m sure. "  
Hotch managed to come back for the trophy presentation. He tried hard to show, he was happy for Jack and Becca.

oOo

" Derek, you cannot ignore me forever," Emily dragged Morgan into an empty office.  
"It won´t be forever. You´re leaving soon, Agent Prentiss ," Derek snapped angrily. Since her conversation after Hotch and Callie 's wedding he avoided her consistently and contact was limited to the professional. He was pissed, pissed and hurt. Morgan knew how stupid that was, he actually was able to understand Emily . She was looking for new challenges, should he blame her for that? But he loved her and definitely he did not want her to go to London. But he didn´t want her do be unhappy in DC, either.

" That's not fair, Derek. " Em said and put her hand on his arm. "Come on. I'm still here for a while, will you go on like that?"  
Derek snorted, "No idea. "  
"I 'm not out of the world, it´s an 8 hour flight. We can see each other, when ever we want to. You´re not gonna lose me, like Hotch loses Callie. And I will be here for some time. Don´t know, how long, but I´m here right now."  
Morgan took her in his arms. " Long-distance relationships suck and do not work, Emmy. "  
" Oh please, don´t be such a coward ! We´re gonna try. Maybe we are the exception to the rule? We´d ask Reid, what our chances are. "  
Derek started to laugh, "Well, I don´t do that, the little one is pretty messy, actually. No idea why. "

oOo

The 'little one ' was looking very thoughtful into his coffee mug. Morgan was right, he was off track . He never could have imagined that the reason for this could be someone like Kenneth Baker.  
They had been to that bar, after the wedding. To Reid´s surprise, he enjoyed himself with Ken. He was a good conversationalist, witty and charming. He had given Spencer the feeling of being the only one in the room who had his attention, something that was completely new for Spencer.  
Kenneth had stayed a few days in DC, also to spend some time with Callie. Spencer and he helped cleaning up the wedding chaos. Hotch was surprised about it, but didn´t say a word.  
Since then, Ken and Spencer phoned regularly and Spencer caught himself on the thought, that he missed Ken.

A lot.

oOo

"So glad, you´re here," Hotch opened the door and let Dave and Jess in. "I would like you to take Jack with you, today." Hotch said softly, Jess grabbed his hand, scared.  
" That bad? "  
Hotch nodded. " Callie is sleeping now, she is very exhausted. Jack, look, Aunt Jess and Uncle Dave are here. "  
"Hi," Jack squeezed out laboriously. He sat on the sofa and obviously he had been crying. " I don´t want to go," Jack said petulantly. Since the end of the game he was sticking to Callie like glue. The little boy knew perfectly well that he would never see her again, when he was going to leave with Jess.  
"Jack," Hotch said, "I want you to go with Aunt Jess and Uncle Dave. You cannot stay here. " He sat down next to Jack on the sofa.

" But I do not want to. I want to stay with you and Callie and I do not want Callie to go away. Why can´t you make her stay? " Jack looked at his father in despair.

" Your dad cannot do anything ," Callie said from the doorway. She was very weak and had to hold on to the door frame.  
" Callie ," Hotch immediately jumped up and carried her to the couch. Dave looked at Jess and tried to keep his composure.

"It's great that you 're here ," Callie whispered. " Sit down, please."  
Jack pressed himself against Callie and she stroked his hair. "Jack, we have talked about this. Don´t be so sad, Jack. You've got your mommy and me who take care of you and your dad."

"But that is not the same, Callie. I cannot touch you no more and you can´t hug me, when I need you."  
"I 'm always there when you read the story of Ferdinand, Jack. Then I am very close to you and your dad. Alright, Jack?"  
Jack nodded uncertainly and looked at Hotch. " Callie 's right, son. Wanna bring your bag and go with Jess and Dave? "  
Dave stood up and held out his hand to Jack , " I can help you with the bag, Jack," he walked with him to his room.

" Don´t you cry, Jess, ok ? I can´t stop, if I´m starting now."  
Jess nodded. " I will not cry, Callie, not now. " The two women hugged each other wordlessly.

"And here we are, ready to go," Rossi said, trying to sound cheerful. "Good night, you two. "  
Rossi hugged Callie violently. " Good-bye ," he whispered into her ear. And to Hotch, " we are there when you need us. Come on now, Jack. We have to go, we´ll make pasta at home, what do you think? "  
"I 'm not hungry ," Jack said sadly. "I love you, Callie ," Jack turned around once more before he was out of the door with Dave and Jess.

oOo

"We cannot drive to Ike´s little hideaway, Aaron. "

"No, we can´t." Hotch replied and pulled Callie close. "We can see the stars from here tonight, my love. Would you like, sitting in the beach basket? I can open the wine, you like so much. "  
" I'd like that, Aaron. "

oOo

" Jack is asleep at last ," Jess said, and sat down next to David on the couch. She began to cry again.  
" He asked me again and again about Callie, what am I supposed to tell him? And then he was telling me the story of his classmate, Becca , the girl will be all alone someday. I want to scream, Dave. Why is all this so terrible? We try so much to be good people and then so terrible things happen. What if this happens to us, too? "  
Dave held Jess tightly. "No one can say what will be, Jessy. But I 'm sure we two live happily ever after. One day, we will look back with our grandchildren and find our life wonderful and fulfilled. This is, what you have to believe, Jessy. "

oOo

Aaron and Callie spent the whole night entwined in the beach basket. Wrapped in a warm blanket, with soft music and red wine.  
"You won´t forget, what you promised me?" Callie whispered.  
"No, I won´t. And I won´t forget a single moment with you, love. The sun is rising, do you see? "

"It's so beautiful, Aaron ," she whispered, closing her eyes forever.  
"Sleep well, love."

Hotch cried uncontrollably.

oOo

Callie Hotchner 's funeral took place in silence . As simple as this ceremony was her obituary .

_Callie, loved by Aaron and Jack_

Three days later, Hotch drove his new Harley to Sandbridge Beach, to spend some time there. Another wish that didn´t come true for Callie, a ride on a Harley. Hotch was sure, it would be ok for her, if he enjoyed the ride for her. And Hotch was sure, he felt her presence on the backseat.

oOo

A/N _It´s time to say thank you. A difficult story with a difficult subject . I wanna thank you for your reviews and for following this. It was not clear at the beginning how emotional this story would be and what it was churning up in me. But, but once started, I had to also write it to an end. My tissue consumption is shot into infinity, but I'm finally satisfied with my story and I'm glad, I wrote it ._

_There is a following story to this. Don´t know yet, if I´m going to post it, it´s already finished and exists in German._

_If there is any interest, I´m going to do the translation. Just give me some feedback. The title will be...the promise I made... and it´s about Hotch and...you already suspected, I guess, Dr. Renée Malone. And Spencer and Kenneth Baker? Maybe? And Derek and? If you want to find out, just tell me. Oh, and there are no tissues needed, I promise._

_love, Susen_


End file.
